Addict

I perceive your darkness

it shines from within your soul.

I hold your broken dreams in my arms

and give you the love from my heart,

your head is bowed as if in contemplation;

are you wondering if their is a price to be paid.

Can love come without a cost.

I see your tears dance down your cheeks,

each one representing an abusive encounter.

I wonder how you can muster up the strength

to fight another day.

Maybe you’ve become accustomed to violence

and are now an addict.

Lenny of Cohen

— Lenny of Cohen, Jul 03, 2007

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Critiques

Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

and I perceive

the darkness emanating from this work. I'm not sure what to think about this yet, it is written in a plaintive "confessional" style. Any quabbles I have with it our minor, you may want to tighten up punctuation, for instance I think after heart you should have a period instead of a comma. Two lines down looks to me like a question, and should be punctuated appropriately. Same with "can love come without a cost." Speaking of that line, and especially "I hold your broken dreams in my arms and give you the love from my heart," I'm not really sold on these two, I look at them and first thought that comes to mind is "trite." Still, as a whole I think this is a fine effort, just maybe needs some minor polishing. Lastly, I've noticed that a couple of your poems almost have a shape. I format some of mine the same way, don't know if yours is intentional or not. Mark

Lenny of Cohen

18 years 11 months ago

Addict

Hi Mark, Appreciate the comments, and will go back to the drawing board and polish. This is a first draft, so I will have fun with it! Regarding punctuation, I would rather not use it, just flow and let the reader grab the rest stops on further reading of the poem. As to shape, it just happens, if it happens; maybe it develops subconsciously? Kind regards, Lenny

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