Some short ones -unrelated-untitled

i waded through cans and lunch-wrappers on the picnic-grass,
then fled
i clambered over lichen-crusted rocks down to the water-edge,
but even here
ring-pulls, butts, a condom
as though the earth were fit for them

Mummy! I was talking to you!
I feel ashamed
I was in another world again
Forgetting now
But the spontaneity has gone
He’s already said it once.

They’ve hung this sign
around my neck
It says TEA LADY
on grey cardboard

— xann_adu, Jul 09, 2007

About the Author

Region, Country: NSW, Australia

Critiques

weirdelf

18 years 11 months ago

Lovely and hauntingly powerful vignettes

look forward to more cheers, Jess

Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

I was

told you've got some great poems, and I see I heard right! I love how simple and down to Earth these are, major props and # 3, which I loved most. I think you've got good word play on # 1, and the poem is thick in its imagery. I personally would ask if these things (in the context of litter or garbage, I assume) are fit for the Earth, not the other way around, but that's just my personality and not a comment on the poem itself. The second poem seems your most personal, perhaps most affected? Good stuff and welcome to neopoet! Mark

xann_adu

18 years 11 months ago

Thanks, Mark & Jess

Thanks for your kind comments. Mark - re 1 - that is what I meant of course - that these things are not fit for the earth, but I tried to express it that way in an attempt [probably unsuccessful] to express my attitude to the discarders. Also, number 3 originally had an extra line: Bugger them, they're only CHICKEN-FARMERS. I can't decide whether it should be there or not. Cheers xann_adu

Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

#3

hmm, it's a good line, and would add something in the way of context... but I feel MIGHT take away from the simple power of your statement. It's your call, poet! Mark

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