Conect11

Mar 04, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Duplicitous

Duplicitous You conniving little worms,chomping at the bitfor mercy.Who let you brood of vipers
knowthere's salvation here?There issalvation here.Not the salvationyou asked for.Are you saved?Forty dayswithout meat?What a joke!What a laugh,a gas!Forty daysno, Fridaysstuffing your fat grotesque faceswith helplessgreasyfried fish.You still treat the poorlike so much common dirt,those who serve youlike eye candy.Hear the word of the Lord:"Stop bringing me your meaningless giftsthe incense of your offering disgusts me!...your special days of fasting - they are all sinfuland false.I want no moreof your pious meetings." *Repent means turn away,not say"I am sorry"and continue to do unto others.There's disdain in your eyes,as you harass, mock,and insult my Godwith your false Christianity,turning even children away from Himin the process. *Isaiah 1:13 - 14

— Conect11, Mar 04, 2008

Critiques

eric ashford

18 years 3 months ago

The raw truth is that this

The raw truth is that this kind of fanatical diatribe makes for pretty disgusting poetry. I feel like I have been shouted at by a rabid preacher. Yuck. eric

Conect11

18 years 3 months ago

thanks for

your comment, Eric. Am a little curious what you would do differently, since this is disgusting poetry. Or is that your opinion? Please understand that I value your comment and opinion, but it comes across as very judgemental, something which us Christians generally are accused of being. Please keep an open mind when you read. I look forward to a spirited discussion! :) Mark W.

fthillsboomer

18 years 3 months ago

methinks the man doth protest too much,

I find my self in the uncomfortable and unhappy postion of agreeing with the above review. I wish it were other than that and I would have worded it differently, but it does sound like a rant. RT

Conect11

18 years 3 months ago

thanks boomer!

Agreed the wording needs some work, but I want to keep the same spirit. Have been a little rusty as of late, not writing much for a few months. Mark W.

weirdelf

18 years 3 months ago

Hey guys! Read it!

Mark is clearly criticising people of his own religion here. A brave and passionate stance. Mark, I can see how they got the wrong idea. Knowing you, your honesty and rigorous self-examination, your passion and great love, I know where you are coming from. Others obviously don't. I think you could possibly work on this piece, without losing the righteous wrath you could perhaps put it in a bit more context. respectfully, Jess

Conect11

18 years 3 months ago

thanks Jess,

you got the point exactly, not at all surprised there. I see a new culture on the site... it's, interesting. I agree with you on the structure and context, I'm a touch rusty. But I needed to say this, warts and all. Mark

professor

18 years 3 months ago

Short lines

Hi Mark, I am fine that you need to say what you have to say and with a great degree of strength. Diatribe...well may be...passionate certainly.....poetic, yes. For me the use of the short lines here produces a spitting staccato effect which pushes what you are trying to express over the top from an emotional point of view. You may find that if you just reformat it using a rather longer line format, which will slow up the flow of thought and blunt the impression of a rant a little, your same words and thoughts will actually have more impact by not overwhelming the reader quite so much with the charged emotion behind them. Keith

Conect11

17 years 5 months ago

thanks Professor,

I had to put this piece to bed for awhile as the vitriol it inspired. I like your idea of formatting the lines, and how caring and in depth your analysis was. Sorry it took me as long as it did to respond! Mark W.

Candlewitch

18 years 3 months ago

Hello,

It certainly makes for interesting reading... And I do understand how you feel about unchristianly christians, as I myself feel that way about any poser. Although, It does read a bit fanatical (and fanatics scare me) it is bold and gutsy. Cat

infinite_dwarf

17 years 4 months ago

hi Mark

Chomp or champ? I can never remember which to use when! Great title, too. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"And he talks to the river of lost love and dedication And silent replies that swirl invitation Flow dark and troubled to an oily sea A grim intimation of what is to be" - Pink Floyd

Conect11

17 years 4 months ago

Olah Dwarf!

definately "chomp," though I'm no spelling "champ!" lol Mark W.

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