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Janice Pearce
Janice Pearce
Mar 09, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Flight

I caught a glimpse of the

presence of your being

t'was just a faded memory

that I imagined seeing.

 

I yearn for your embrace

which always made me melt

when  I went to reach for you

those arms could not be felt.

 

I smelled the familiar

scent of your cologne

when I turned to look for you

I found myself alone.

 

I long for your soft lips

so wet and sweet with flavor

when I went to kiss you

there were no warm lips to savor.

 

Disoriented dreams keep

re-appearing in the night

someday they'll fade away

when I choose to give them flight.

 

 

— Janice Pearce, Mar 09, 2008

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

More from this author

Critiques

L

LadyTheresa

56 years 5 months ago

Hey Girl!

I was straddling the fence myself after reading the first and then your revised versions of the poem. There's a softness in the first but the second one is concise and has a much stronger impact I would say that the second version is much better- excellent! As always, I enjoy our work and look forward to reading and enjoying more. LadyTheresa
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

18 years 2 months ago

Lady T

Just submitted the softer one with revisions Let me know if you like the other one better! Thanks
P

poewriter58

18 years 3 months ago

Janice

"or was it a faded memory I remember seeing" perhaps you could consider or was it a faded memory I was seeing" as I find in my opinion that sentence repeats itself you are using the senses and that appeals to mine nice to see Chrys
EA

eric ashford

18 years 3 months ago

Agree with the above

Agree with the above suggestion and I would definitely cut "floating on the wings of a dove" from the last stanza just too icky and clichéd. I did enjoy the poem and thought it simple and direct. All the best eric
professor

professor

18 years 3 months ago

For i know that i was loved

Enjoyed the poem very much Janice, it has a simple message and tone that is both honest and engaging. I agree with Eric about the "wings of a dove" it is just so over used that it damages the originality of the poem. I also have a problem with the second verse where you completely abandon any rhyme scheme. That in itself is not a big issue but the verse just does not flow well in the last two lines and feels uncomfortable. Keith
KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 3 months ago

Hi, I just wanted to say I

Hi, I just wanted to say I really liked the somewhat jaunty rhythm of the poem up until stanza 4, the first line there is one syllable short. Now I understand if it's freeform, who's to question the yllables and stuff, that old hat. But it's the same in the final stanza. I think it'd help the flow if the metre was standardise. Just my thoughts. Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

18 years 3 months ago

Fly Away

Thank you for reading and your comment I always appreciate them!
L

LadyTheresa

56 years 5 months ago

Good work Janice!!

I agree with both Keith's and Eric's comments. I too enjoyed the direct and openly honest approach in this piece. Very easy to relate to. You have done a fine job (as usual) but just a suggestion on the above mentioned. Looking forward to more of your words... Theresa :)
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 3 months ago

Nice, Janice

You haven't destroyed it at all. There are many valid comments and helpful suggestions here. From what I can see, you applied some great advice and the result was a well-thought, concise piece of work. Nicely done!
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

18 years 3 months ago

Ronda

Thank you all for your help, without your suggestions I could not improve!
professor

professor

18 years 3 months ago

You made it even better

This was quite a major revision Janice and after reading it a few times to get the rhythm I think it works very well and is a definite improvement. Bold step but you pulled it off I think. Keith
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

18 years 3 months ago

Flight

Any other suggestions Prof? You said I think, feedback!! LOL
professor

professor

18 years 3 months ago

You dont let me off the hook easily Janice!

OK, OK there were two things that prompted the "think" and i know you like honesty Janice. Firstly, I suppose the new format you chose to use had me a little on the fence in deciding between it and the first version. For me the emotional nuance came through better in the first although there was a more staccato hardness to this new version that made it quite powerful. There was also the clever component in that you could make a stand alone poem just out of the last line of each verse. So on balance this new version grabbed me more although i missed the softer emotional nuance a little. The second was that I felt the final line "truth victorious over lies" was perhaps a little bit soft and rather over heroic given the tone of the rest of the poem. I suppose something more like "truth denigrating lies" was what I might expect. These are very much personal preference comments though Janice so take or leave them. Keith
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

18 years 3 months ago

Prof

Food for thought, thanks for the honesty! I'll look at both today and see what I come up with
P

prayersbyPatty

18 years ago

The revision is missing something

Janice- In your first poem there was a part about a dove I like the changes that you did to rearrange that its very nice. The part I miss is the four lines that you took out. I feel these lines are very important to the poem. ---------------------------------- I heard the faint whisper of a moment that had passed, I tried to hold on tight but could not get it back. ----------------------------------------------- THIS REALLY NEEDS TO BE INCLUDED IN THE POEM. How many times do we let a moment pass and try to get it back only in vain. That is the part that really hurts. Please consider putting the above four lines back in the poem. thanks for considering
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

18 years ago

Prayers

Thank you for taking the time to read this I have this one put away for know I may re-work it later. Sometimes I step back for a while and think about the piece and then come back to it. I have about 3 of them to revise. Not to ramble on but I'll take your comment into consideration!
P

prayersbyPatty

18 years ago

Thanks Janice

Thanks Janice, this poem speaks to me of decisions made too quickly, or in the heat of anger
R

R.M.Shanmugam

17 years 8 months ago

poem

well penned about the emotion in pining.
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 8 months ago

R.M.

Thank you, so much for your thoughts. I have two versions of this one. Yhis is the softer one, "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." Will Rogers

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