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A
Abstrakt
Mar 30, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Guilty Designs


You find love in a bottle

Satisfaction in pills

Justification in rocks

 

Awake in a perpetual haze

Dazed as you laze

Gazing without comprehension

 

Consequences of actions

Pre-programmed yearning for

Comfort and Sustenance

 

A life with no substance

Full of substance abuse

Can you handle the truth?

 

This point is not moot

Yet you practice no abstinence

Chemically eroding your existence.

 

Practicing with diligence

Ignoring the consequence

What is the ultimate recompense?

 

Looking for peace from a piece

Hollow point round….Full metal jacket

Silencer found.

 

Hardly a sound as you collapse

Brain splattered on wall.

You’ve sprung your own trap.

 

No more sighs

No more tears to cry

For a guilty pleasure you die.


— Abstrakt, Mar 30, 2008
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Critiques

S

Skumpfsklub

18 years 2 months ago

Missing link

The last three stanzas are, to my eye, not adequately wed to the earlier stanzas. Between L18 and L19, there is a missing piece. Dissolute existence is followed by resolute suicide--but how do you get from there to there? 'Recompense' doesn't quite cut it. 'Peace from a piece' is clever wordcraft--but where is that idea presaged? From what well is the draught of decision drawn? This is potentially a tremendously powerful poem, but it seems to me still not quite complete. There are effects without understood cause.

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