I'm Truly Sorry

I’m truly sorry,
I really don’t belong here,
a chaste teahouse of January’s New Moon,
I’m always
on the brink
of a Poet’s hell,
testing the waters
toes first,
knowing the rest of me
will soon follow,

you wouldn’t know me if you
saw me,
lusting
like a virgin for an Unknown God,
a temptress from
the Kundalini devastated realms
of Shakti personified,

a Lady of the Sword with no
likely Arthurian candidate,
no legends to lose,
no Lake of recognition,
my bloodthirsty fires
will torment you
into submission,

your pen will spill
with the reddest ink of every woman you
have ever loved.

your heart will open like a rose.

— Kailashana, Apr 26, 2008

Critiques

professor

18 years 1 month ago

your heart will open like a rose.

The cause of romantic poetry in one line Anna! Sometimes i think you feel that my comments on structure and detail are anathema to a wild spirit and pandering to conventional mind, but nothing could be further from the truth, they are simply about communicating most effectively...if you wish to do so of course. Yes this poem is structured so that it ebbs and flows just the way you want it to. That in itself does not necessarily make me like it more or less but i can better feel the emotion behind the words...that's all. And yes, as always, I enjoyed it. lol Lusting like a virgin for an unknown God..in particular. your conventional, unconventional Professor (Keith)

Kailashana

18 years 1 month ago

Hi Mr. Keith… Please I’m

Hi Mr. Keith... Please I'm not combative... I just have a hard time with putting poetry into sound bytes... unless I'm reading it aloud at a poetry reading. I should hope my poetry's *flavour* doesn't lose its consistency because of a word here or there... or putting a whole or 3/4 of a thought on one line. I would feel impoverished. And I'm already a poet who needs to sing for her supper. Thanks for reading Prof... Did I scare everyone away? O My! ~a

professor

18 years 1 month ago

Anna

You can put it all in a single line if you wish and i will still enjoy reading it. The truth is in the words and the thoughts behind them, not the structure. However truth and appreciation can sometimes use a little help. lol. Well you haven't scared me...although i cant speak for the others of course. ciao K

barbsdad2003

18 years 1 month ago

Powerfully graphic ...

this is. Although, with tongue firmly propped against cheek, I advise the following alteration, from: I’m truly sorry, I really don’t belong here to: I'm truly sorry, I really do belong here And thanx, by the way. Yours, Chuck

Kailashana

18 years 1 month ago

ur welcome, Chuck. Where

ur welcome, Chuck. Where do poets belong, really? Nowhere that is here... lol. ~a

themoonman

18 years 1 month ago

Kailashana...

this poem is written well.. deserves to be read by the many.. thanks for posting.. Richard

Kailashana

18 years 1 month ago

Thanks Richard the Moonman.

Thanks Richard the Moonman. Is that anything like Richard the Lionhearted? ~a

themoonman

18 years 1 month ago

No No..

in fact as a young boy.. I hated my name.. I think most do. but it is just Richard. no lion in my heart no moon under my seat just me...just me

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