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weirdelf
weirdelf
Aug 07, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Eternal Bliss

 

In a moment of marked silliness
I decided that eternal bliss,
Pure unalloyed happiness
Was my just reward

Now I am not dumb or vain,
I knew that merits ascertain
The level of one's gain
I must be sure

So with adept celerity
I measured my integrity
And certain earned celebrity
And satisfied myself

The plan was to meet my every need,
I know them, listen and take heed
Love, chemicals and money without greed
I had a plan

I found a lover lithe and caring
The brain responds to drugs most daring
Vocation that involved some sharing
I was set

The problems could be seen quite clearly
If only retrospectively
The consequences cost most dearly
My decline began

My lover grew dissatisfied,
The drugs produced a brain most fried
The job was lost, I cried and cried
there was great cost

I hope I am a wiser man
I do the best with what I can
And I am back where I began
Most humble.

Well more so.

 
— weirdelf, Aug 07, 2008

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

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Critiques

G

gazer

17 years 10 months ago

I do not think I am

I do not think I am qualified (I am a newbie here) to really critique, but, I did enjoy this piece. It flowed well when read aloud. I liked the rhyming pattern. I actually laughed aloud at the fried brain. Well done!
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 10 months ago

Really good jess

Smiles:) Barbara Really good write. Have not experience this as i never done drugs of any kind, so i can't relate. therefore i not qualified to comment
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 10 months ago

the drugs were only part f it.

Mu arrogance and conceit was the main point. I am still an arrogant bastard, bur have leant to listen to other peples wisdom. This might be hard for your to believe but two of my best friends on this site are christians. Rett and and Mark W. That does not exclude you, My major belief, sought through stiving to achieve knowledge is that knowlede is better than religion, whatever creed. If there is a creator, or higher beings, I don't think they do much good. It it up to us. cheers, Jess
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 9 months ago

you can find all a poets work on their profile

you can find all a poets work on their profile Just click on their name. when I get an interesting comment or read one interesting poem I always check out their profile. I am a vey erratic poet, some I think are am great, many are lousy. cheers, Jess
Rett

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

Jess

Actually, if I hadn't once been a druggie, nothing more than pot, lsd, mescaline etc.. I would have had some problems with this, but you described it very well. I once spent a whole year smoking pot from the time I awakened til the time I crashed at night. I have a problem with this line "The plan was meet my every need," To me it would read better like this. "The plan was to meet my every need," but it's up to you. Rett: "Life is like a beach. Salty, gritty, somewhat fishy and at other times, downright crabby!" Rett 2008.
Linda Moses

Linda Moses

17 years 10 months ago

consequences

I read this outloud, and I thought it flowed. I do know consequences always humble maybe this how we grow.
D

DarkinAZ

17 years 10 months ago

Jess...

I completely understand this, I too like Rett have spent much of my time in a self-induced world of emotionless hell, (I know this now that I have recovered.) You do express this well in this write and your experiences with addiction as well add to the ever present feeling of gratitude and humbleness you obtained through your victories, even as you are faced with the realities of all which you have lost, you remain happy to be alive. How can I pick-apart a write that in it's rawest form should be as imperfect as the road traveled, which inspired these words. I love it, Great write! and I will leave the critique to those who feel inclined to do so... as I respectfully decline! ***** Sincerely, Mark
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Jess...

I too can relate to this... I've had those times too.. your caps... make one stop before you intended I believe.. might just be the way I read it... Richard
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 10 months ago

anz rett, you are competely brain washed..

you don't think outside the nasty American poliics you were subjected to. Rett less than you. Tom is a wondefu poet but a jingoist moron. Look at the possibility of human godness. It does exist. Read ourside your narrow mindedness. You will find human goodness. I have given you references in Noam Chomsky and Ursula K LeGuin, cheers, Jess
Rett

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

Jess

I have no clue what you are talking about on that statement, but I do look at human goodness. I find it every day of my life and have found it since I was a kid. If you had read "Miss Carrie" you would know I find human goodness everywhere. As for nasty american politics Jess, I am a realist and I am not brainwashed. Unlike you I can see both the flaws and the goodness inherent in our system. Right now I am trying my best to point out to people that the direction the american politics is heading is straight down the sewer and will destroy this once great country.You toss the word jingoist around like it is a dirty word yet fail to realize that a person can love their country and still be aware and want to correct it's flaws. You have not taken the time to get to know Tom as you are just doing exactly what you detest, making an unsubstantiated assumption. He is not a my country blah blah blah person. He also realizes the flaws. You also are jumping to conclusions on me. You should know by now that I don't take anything at face value without doing research and looking at both sides before making up my own mind. I have never been one to blindly follow anything whether they be fads or beliefs. I am a man that has ALWAYS looked at things and decided for myself what I wanted to do. Damn blindly following anything. I am my own person. You are a good man Jess and you know I am too. We diverge on certain issues. but you can't accuse me of being indoctrinated because I am probably the least indoctrinated person you may ever meet. I question everything. *LOL* I gotta say this though. Damn, I've missed having you here to butt heads with! Respectfully, Rett: "Life is like a beach. Salty, gritty, somewhat fishy and at other times, downright crabby!" Rett 2008.
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 10 months ago

Just a minor linguistic point

jingoist is precisely someone who is patriotic without seeing, thinking or acting on the flaws of their own country. cheers, Jess
autumnphoenix

autumnphoenix

17 years 10 months ago

I will

Hey Jess, I will comment even though I have not been into drugs. I have been into escaping reality. I have been gultiy of wanting to reward myself and ending up just the other side of torture. Thats another story. On to the comments, in line 28, "all was lost". It doesn't feel right. Try something with the word "cost". If I may and I know I may. Lol. How about "to bemoaned the cost" Other then that I thought it was good. A poem of lessons learned. Dana
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 10 months ago

thank you for excellent feedback

you are right. All was not lost, I am still alive and like being so. Will see if cost rather than lost could fit. Like "Monkey" the nature of Jess is irrepressible! cheers, Jess
O

orgami

17 years 10 months ago

rise and fall

Love this "confessional poem" have been lately intoduced to an american poet a woman who wrote well You Jess I know this is a great poem in that it intros spells off the points the regrets and finishs like a wonderful one act play And you are still alive! where upon Anne Sexton isn't One other note irrelavent is that Thank you for the belief in my works anyway my freind Great poem yet again !!!!
dhruv

dhruv

17 years 10 months ago

I have to say, you have done

I have to say, you have done well to summarize everything that you need have without including vestigial lines or occurrences. Very, very well written indeed. It is clever, witty, yet with a depth that cannot be denied. If you want my honest opinion, I've read all the comments on this poem, and agree with most of the suggestions. I now feel that this is complete and does not need any further editing at all.
Mark

Mark

17 years 9 months ago

Take the caps out

make it as much a letter as you can. I think this is a piece for all high school standard reading, Jess. Mark
Rett

Rett

17 years 9 months ago

I saw, I read, I agree.

no probs Rett: "Life is like a beach. Salty, gritty, somewhat fishy and at other times, downright crabby!" Rett 2008.
Sinbadthesailorman

Sinbadthesailorman

17 years 9 months ago

I like this

Jess is nice to be able to admitt to oneself, hey, I fucked up! I learn something! the hard way, I did it, it was all me, I blame no one, for there and is no one around to blame Would I do it again hmm I might if I was feeling right but Humility was taught and hey am sorry but I needed some happiness either real or imaitation nice read been there and perfer the time spent just hate trying to get back to wear It first started another of Satans battle won Drugs short sparaditic fulfillments and then your forever chasing and displacing who and whatever to get your own pleasure on Dionnie/Sinbad @#$#@ sleep I need Sleep
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 9 months ago

thanks Donnie

true we can get no-where without accountability. You raise an interesting point. Would I make the same choices. It's not as obvious as it seems. I certainly felt a need for "instant happiness" at the time. cheers, Jess

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