First Rays

First rays of light
between ink clouds
and dusty dreams

morning storm gathers
jasmine and honeysuckle
dance in the wind

Yesterday, a blackbird
lay on the street
flattened by some passing car

only a parchment beak
to speak of feathers
in the ebon night.

]

— Kailashana, Sep 27, 2008

Critiques

infinite_dwarf

17 years 8 months ago

oh no!

The beginning of this poem started off beautifully - with some awesome imagery. Still not quite sure about the squished bird - very descriptive, but have a hard time dealing with dead animals. Parchment paper? Was it hit by a tank, then? ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- "If you've ever emptied the back of your pickup truck by driving backward really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck" - Jeff Foxworthy Bill Engvall: "that's how we moved"

Kailashana

17 years 8 months ago

Hi Jess, I walked to my car

Hi Jess, I walked to my car blissfully unaware late one moonless and warm summer's night, the starling/blackbird was absolutely flat on the street... only the parchment-coloured beak gave it away. I stood there looking at it for a minute, transfixed. I wondered how many cars had run over it. My bed is positioned under the window, usually I awaken before sunrise...that morning I awakened to dark clouds and a reminder of black feathers the night before. I suppose much of poetry is noticing things that others forget. ~A

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