All this spilling out for anyone to see

I'm not surprised ... I just typed what came out.. doubt it makes much sense, I'm not here to score points or anything though, so it's ok really... I'm happy for negative crits if they are deserved.... But thanks for reading it anyway, hope it didn't leave you frustrated It's funny though... in some ways it tells the story straighter than I usaully do, & here you are not getting it... perhaps I speak better in proper poetic mode than gut spew mode.. It would be silly to explain the point & I doubt thats even what you want... I will reread tomorrow (& probably want to delete it), no point in attempting any rearranging now the more I read, the more morose I get today. Thank goodness everything moves on... Including my bad poetry days! Anni I wish to walk gracefully..... so as not to spill water.

Well ... as you might see I have changed quite a bit of this poem now in the wee hours (again... goan!) of the morn... Thanks for your comments... I did consider them... but I guess the way I work is to get into a flow.. so once I started reading the thing with a view to tweeking, it all just flowed & I didn't stop start to see if anything you suggested fit... I just kept moving through. For me each word change or even meter change effects the sentiment in a big way & I find such things critical to the poetry.. There are sentiments in this poem that were completely wiped out by changing one or two words.. some I chose to change & some I left even though it may have read more smoothly or more poeticly to change them. An example is the 2nd line... the only line I had trouble letting go of... Not to dissect it too much, but that line was a self chastisement for having lectured poor Amartya on not focussing so much on the state of the person, but rather on how the poem was written.. & that many people like to keep their feelings safely hidden behind the symbols of their writing... I've always written my feelings quite cryptically so as to maintain a sense of privacy & respect, both for the reader & myslef... I felt bad after I made those comments to him, though of course I DID acknowledge that there are times it is appropriate to attend to the wellbeing of the writer... In saying I felt beheaded... such a dramatic acknowledgement of my state of vulnerability (I felt anyway... but it is interesting the myriad of perceptions & interpretation I am hearing in relation to this poem) Anyway, there I was exposing my own feeling clearly. I felt the irony personally so I wrote it into the poem... as it turns out, I am so practiced at the cryptic hiding, that I have hardly exposed the clear story of my feelings at all, & this has surprised me... Ahh but I digress... here is how that line originally went... "Today I feel beheaded. Yes me who sings the praises of the subtle and obscure hiding behind imagery and symbols. Today I have no cover, there’s no warm and no secure" Changing it to "Yes, me who raises dust among the subtle and obscure" removes the original intent completely.. still berates myself in a way... making dust clouds in order to be obscured so as not to be vulnerable etc. But I allowed the change because with it came a different gift... the imagery (in my head) of what it takes to raise dust clouds.. the dance we do in order to stay hidden became a literal one in my picture... In truth I had an image of something like the "Bungle bungles" (you can Google them... gorgeous looming pillars in central Oz.. surrounded indeed, by red dust, I think.. I love the wee connections that tie us back & forth between odd thing we have written to each other) but only about 7 foot high... & doing a constant dance about them. Maybe like the Aboriginal styles, or Native American.. with serious intent & concentration, but medative at the same time, the effect being to have a constant level of dust bothered into a red dirt cumulus around me. Anyway the point is.. I felt the exchange of sentiment was acceptable in the end, though I don't like to change the original sentiment too much usually, I liked this new theme & it fitted & flowed better in the poem. All of this writing describing something that went through my head in a small moment, it makes me chuckle. That's probably enough dissection.. Just wanted to acknowledge your suggestions & thank you.. as always, love your input... I have always been such a wayward thing.. I can accept contribution, but I usually end up morphing it into my own solutions in the end, still appreciating the catalyst for the improvement... Well hopefully it is an improvement. Yours in gratitude Anni I wish to walk gracefully..... so as not to spill water.

Hi Chuck, I hope it's ok for me to have a chuckle (oooh no pun intended!) at the "stalker" scenario... I soooo love the things people pull from what is portayed... How fantastic... I have to say it isn't a stalker, though I do seem to have a attracted a couple of those at times in my life (I think that's to do with being such a public figure in my community & a performer) nothing awful though, just sad mostly... No & I can't resist now that it's up, it isn't an old love either, a relatively new thing I had hope for that I got severely "wobbled" about yesterday. Anyway Thanks for the vote of confidence re the word "spew"... Much of that is because of the work I've done via "The Artisits way" by Julia Cameron, a brilliant resource for anyone wanting to nurture their creativity. One of the great processes I have made a practice of from that undertaking is to write 3 pages of "stream of consciousness" writing every morning... It is private & can be about absolutely anything.. but I find it has been a brilliant creative process in itslef.. If you are inerested let me know I have begun an online supprt group for that process, it has resources & access to the pages in a way.. In any case I recommend having a look at the book. We are all different... I think I am a very lazy writer, I rarely do more than word spewing with a few tweeks if I make the piece into a song at best.. It is relatively new to me to begin refining my poetry, it has never before been a public thing so there was no point. Now I really begin to understand the joy you describe in reworking the writing.. & moreso I really feel honoured to have this poetic community to help give me other eyes & hearts & experience in order to better my skill... I agree with all you have written after that too... post it anyway, there's so much to learn... Love it... ta Anni I wish to walk gracefully..... so as not to spill water.

Wow Richard... this is fantastic, hearing how one's work is interpreted, I love it... & thank you so much for your wonderfully simple encouragement... I have loved your input from the start.. & your own work which I appreciate & respect, so thanks for your generosity... I love what you've said & I feel I should really leave people with what it is they take from it.. but here I have indeed rewritten it in the wee hours of the morn as I said to Ann (so hope it makes sense at all!).. You might pull from it something different with these small changes... I will post here the original version so can compare if you like.. I tried to retain the original sentiments of the work, except for the 2nd line which I dissect in my response to Ann. "Today I feel beheaded. Yes me who sings the praises of the subtle and obscure hiding behind imagery and symbols. Today I have no cover, there’s no warm and no secure I know, I know - we've only now And any history once bedded still lay just where it lies But it just looked so pretty, looking back And now I feel such severance of ties Sounds dramatic? – Maybe so Yet the symbols here are all that I can see You choose your days to say that you are me* If life is lived for moments now Then I am non existent in your view There is no thread that’s tying me to you And you, with eyes for pretty things And words that sailed my soul Pulled me through the clouds Made me feel so proud Now behind a shroud Sleep deprived and distance stretched I know I should take care But I don’t see you anywhere ….not seeking me Did you mark me merely just to cover tracks? Because you made your mark upon some other You didn’t even come inside the door I guess I don’t show on that radar any more Today I am the tiniest, obedient and matched I’m disappearing as the pattern plays Insidious, these habits place you in the maze And I am lost Today I want to run and run and run But I am here, immobilised Obscured and slightly agonised Remove me from this place (I don’t want to see that face, Or see those words) Today I am beheaded Tomorrow I will grow another with a smile To sing with my adoring ones I must admit, I don’t much like this style All this spilling out for anyone to see" I did change the 2nd line in the 2nd stanza, before remembering to save it (remember I wrote this as a word spew straight onto the computer yesterday morning so I had no copy) & can't remeber how the original went, something like "& any history should stay just where it lies" I've adjusted the meter also in parts for a smoother read... I'd be MOST happy for you to give me your new perspective Richard. Thanks again, I so apreciate these processes & your consideration. Cheers Anni I wish to walk gracefully..... so as not to spill water.

Somehow I managed to post same twice & can't delete so I just deleted the content!

Ohh no, PLEASE don't be sorry at all.. I felt the same as you after I wrote it... As pointed out above it was a poetic "spew" & I wondered if it would actually even stick together, but I felt compelled to express it... It was only on my second read I felt it did make sense in a way ... maybe it's the kind of work that needs more than one read... & in this arena I would again ask for perspective from others... Is it fair to produce a work for public consumption that takes that kind of effort... I HAVE to say, a friend read my comment to you & felt I was hard on you... that was never my intention at all, so I am soooo sorry if it came across like that, I do tend to be straight up about stuff, please forgive me if it sounded gruff. I was really wanting you to help me by letting me see how I had not reached you. I so appreciate the perspectives of people who take time to read these things, & I want you to know I apreciated yours very much, it is a completely valid perspective that can only help us hone our skills as writers. Please don't ever be put off giving such feedback to me in any case... I am just a little greedy for more in order to understand what it was that you were actually left with... Anyway, I have rewritten the work, so maybe it reaches you in a more comfortable form that makes more sense... & maybe not but... always feel free to be honest.. After this I shall visit your work & see if I get more of an understanding from seeing the way you write. & I thank you for returning to reread.. I don't take that for granted, it is a gift that you bother... I respect your opinion, hope that comes through in this message if it did not in the earlier one. Anni May I wish to walk gracefully..... so as not to spill water.

Oh yes Zeus... he was such a philanderer, couldn't help himself & when his woman caught him floozing & threatened him he would cheat by visiting Danea (spelling?) in a shower of gold (think there was another fling where he became a swan.. shall look it up)... I'll be away for a while at least (from this site... the fires are around Daylesford now 1k away & they are expected to continue with further 45 celsius weather), we had to pack & evacuate last night & may have to leave again I think, at least on Friday).... & beside too much is going on & I need to catch up & get some sleep, something had to go (my brains... my heart already has & my sanity... perhaps all 3!!!) Ann I soooooo love the things you write... you are just briliant, truly I am in awe... You know we'll stay in touch. So glad I met you! xx Anni I wish to walk gracefully..... so as not to spill water.

Hey Thanks Atticus... I can really understand why you pick jazz. Actually I sing quite a bit of jazz & write jazz songs also (among other genres), it really makes sense what you say, a lovely insight thank you. Are you new? I must go & look at your work, I like your intellect (from the snippit I have seen! Cheers Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

God, I love your writing O' In your comment did you mean it was Mia writing the forst part of that comment? Or was she just busy doing that while you wrote? I do like it when you just pop in what's going on about you, but it was a little confusing in that instance. Ta for your comments... Always such a lovely read. Like the new pic too, you have very intense eyes. Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."

Hey O' how funny is that!!! what an Aussie dag not realising "MIA", I am so far from military in my thinking, ahh well, I am sure you will forgive me. I am having trouble keeping up with things here on Neo, have decided to slow my posting so I can keep up more with things other people post. I feel remiss to have been out of touch with new things my dear ones are posting because all I can keep up with is responding to comments on my own posts. I feel good with this decision. Sorry your back is bad, I had a partial protrusion of L3/4 years ago, about 5 years of terrible suffering, but it feels awful to let people know & it's so invisible, I'm sure people would think it was just whinging etc.... I had to work very hard to recover & to avoid the damage recurring (once it's there, the danger is constant really). Irony was I worked in rehab as a physio assistant & it was around the time Mark died so I was not so careful with my own well being, given many I workd with would never walk again etc., how dare I complain.. blah blah... Glad to be well past all that, but I feel for you, back pain is awful. Hmm nestled between flying & a lovely body of water, sounds great. I love how you describe these things to me. Hope you & Lori are well (knowing of your back) Cheers Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."