Thousand oaks and Eucalypts (revised)

Hey Faery girl, look, my "cloud rock" being hugged, see, we are kindred across the ocean!!!... This was taken May last year on a singing leaders weekend at one of the most beautiful places in Australia "Wilson's promontory"... When I saw that huge round rock I wanted to go & hold it, right down near the beach it is, so lovely, just looks like it sits so lightly though. Thanks for your positive words... I still think it stumbles as a poem, the rhythm has odd spaces spoken words find hard to bridge in my mind, if you sang it, you can give it the space & emphasis the lines need to breath & relax into the flow (I should listen to what you guys say though, that IS the whole point of posting here for me), guess I just wanted to try something new here. Yes I think I like the 5th stanza too, but for my own reasons. Marks sisters & nieces & nephews & cousins mostly had red hair, my kind, wild & thick, & when he died they enveloped me so beautifully, we bacame closer than my own family. Probably still are in a way, 20 years later, I don't know what I would have done without them. I lost everyone who I felt really loved me in a 5 year period, & found new ways to connect with kindred souls over the years, I have been collecting "family" or "tribe" ever since I suppose, having learned so deeply what it's worth. In part, you think you will never love again (& a part of you wont), but mostly there is more room for love & laughter & goodness if you choose wisely. I've been so blessed, but I have also worked hard to get to here (we all know how that is don't we, no matter our losses or challenges). Being of service was not as bad as it sounds, I chose it, it served me. It was the only way I could justify being here when he wasn't, in the first few years. But the truth is, life never works well one way, either way really (selfless or selfish), & I know how much I love contributing to others, it isn't fair to rob others of the opportunity to contibute to me... It took me soooo many years to get that (& I still struggle with it sometimes). In any case, I am chuffed you picked that lined ... I pulled a whole stanza out & managed to pack it in there if you look, there's so much more that just one sentiment. Losing loved ones to accident or disease is such a huge life changing occurence, so MANY lessons & epiphanies, life is brief holds so much more than that simple 3 word set belies... I'm sure you'll find a myriad of your own meaning within it. I am so touched by your last sentence, I am moved to tears. I think the thing I most love in the world is when people can reach behind the daily "stuff" & connect souls, even briefly... You have captured in this sentence the sentiment I love so much that Joni Mitchell also captured in "Case of you" when she says .. "I remember that time you told me, you said, "Love is touching souls", well surely you touched mine, cos, part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time". It doesn't have to be romantic love at all, I know just waht you mean, I experience it here as well, at a deep level, I think it's because we have the courage to be more vulnerable here than in most places in our lives, our skin is off here & we see into each other sometimes. I have seen it in your writing too, recognised who you are without ever knowing you. I find it a joy as you know, more tribe, more belonging in my sometimes lonely soul. I have a really full happy life in most ways, but there are holes in my soul that most people can't ever access. There are people here that know that place, it makes me feel less isolated, I thought I'd always be alone there, & here are these lovely stars twinkling from a similar place, lovely!! Sigh, hmmm, "new thing", way too new to put that kind of expectation on yet, but thank you, I am trying not to even think past the lovely unique bond that is. No idea where it will go. It's tricky since we both sense potential for more, but I am uncertain how apropriate it is, it took me years to get over losing my partner... but then, no one ever took care of me with it in that way (except his family, but not relationship wise, perhaps that's why it took me years?). I know, any connection is going to include his lost love, probably forever, I am fine with that because Mark will always be in my life, but it has to be handled with care. Anyway, I think he was always a little kindred, like us, even before his loss. We both see that, so that's good. We are not "normal" we deep feeler/thinkers, we need more, we can function quite well in a relatively normal world, but if we can't connect to one who knows our soul we often prefer to be on our own at the end of the day I think & find our kindred elsewhere. I thought I found someone who fitted into those places in my soul not so long ago & it seems I was so wrong, more than anything because he seems to have no desire to cantact me any more, I am so shocked at such immediate severance, & it feels like it must mean what we had was a complete illusion, there is no way I could do that... Anyway, it's made me a little wary of my own intuition now, sadly. Lessons, they never cease Beki. Off to look at your poem now, I am free for a short time, my student has cancelled. Anni "Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase, "each other" doesn't make any sense."