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ID
Ink Dragon
Mar 17, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

That winter

We danced as none of us had danced before
harmoniously, recklessly skating on frozen rivers
Little did we know that the ice could barely support our weight

Gliding elegantly over the shiny smoothness
we courted, coaxed, teased, tempted each other
Little did we know that temptation would devour us

Invisibly, fate had joined our hell-bent reeling
unwittingly, we had embraced her and our doom
Little did we know that she had planted her seed

When we finally stopped in our tracks
we glimpsed countless cracks in retrospect
Little had we known how thin the ice had been

Then, we had to reap what fate had sown

Weeping, devastated, we stooped and realized
that underneath the most beautiful ice lurks water
silent, dark and deep


— Ink Dragon, Mar 17, 2009
More from this author

Critiques

Rett

Rett

17 years 2 months ago

Nina, fabulous

The title is intriguing, the language use very good, the ending is great. In all life no matter if lived with joyous abandon or we carefully tread, the dark, deep, silent water is waiting and will swallow you if you take a misstep! Great write. Captivated me from beginning to end. I have sat here and read it either five or six times and each time I am struck by the depths of meaning within. Thank you. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." "A Democracy can withstand anything but Democrats." Robert A. Heinlein
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Wow, Rett!

Gives a whole new meaning to "walk on water", doesn´t it? That was funny, reading your tag beneath my watery wisdom! That last line was from an old piece that really wasn´t worth posting, but it seemed to fit with my theme here, so I used it. Thank you so much for the read and the comment! Yours, ~Nina
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks, Julie,

it is definitely a good suggestion. But I must confess that I am quite fond of the assonance ("deep"/"underneath") and the alliteration ("dark and deep"), so it will be a little tricky to change that line. We´ll see if I can find a way to incorporate your suggestion and keep my beloved assonance and alliteration... Yours, ~Nina
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

17 years 2 months ago

This is good too Nina

Beautiful and devastatingly sad, you made the sadness beautiful Nina. Shudder. Its American English for old fashioned me! The English first line would go : "We danced AS none of us had danced before" but tant pis!! Shudder once again Ann.
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks, my dear Ann,

I think I like the "as" better than the "like" after all. Your comments are a constant surprise and keep me on my toes, which I think is a good thing. Yours, ~Nina
faerybeki

faerybeki

17 years 2 months ago

I really loved this poem

I really loved this poem Nina, my fave line, 'we glimpsed countless cracks in retrospect'. and like others have already said, (and much better than i could) so many levels of meaning!! Great job! :) much love b x
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Wow, Beki,

thanks! I saw that you have posted a new piece, too, and will soon read it! Yours, ~Nina
faerybeki

faerybeki

17 years 2 months ago

My pleasure to comment Nina!

My pleasure to comment Nina! Would be interested to know what you have to say about my most recent post, I'm going through a bit of a thing, (in my head and in my writing) thinking too much about the elusive reader perhaps? sometimes my mind is not best friend if you know what i mean? anyway i find my stream is blocked!! hopefully temporarily! much love b x
W

Wafi

17 years 2 months ago

Little did We Know That Temptation Would Devour Us!

Nina, An impressive write with a great ending! Loved every line of it, specially "we had to reap what fate had sown". I liked Julie's suggestion. Your language use is flawless. Sincerely, Wafi
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Thanks, Wafi,

always a pleasure to hear from you! Well, the ending seems to be in want of a revision...If only I could find the right words... Yours, ~Nina
B

barbsdad2003

17 years 2 months ago

Ominousness ...

lurks wondrously off the chart here. I like the feeling(s) this piece evokes. And the thoughts. And the disorientation both mild and severe. Yes, and breathtaking: a mere spice on the meal, of course, made from scratch. Yours, Chuck
A

Aureo

17 years 2 months ago

How deep the cold water flows

Dear Nina, May I call you Nina, friend, thank you for pointing me in your direction. Amazing little bit of synchronicity that we both chose ice skating as a metaphor for a relationship. Unfortunately not too many are willing to take the plunge that would reveal the place where two are one with the uncontainable torrent that we call life. I always feel such great admiration and humility to meet the poets on this site. In this place I feel blessed. Kristeta
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Dear Kristeta,

thank you for your amazing comment. The "uncontainable current", what a beautiful metaphor! Yours, ~Nina
ID

Ink Dragon

17 years 2 months ago

Thank you, my Goddess!

You liked those last lines so much when I told you about the poem, that I decided to shape it up and post it! Yours, ~Nina
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

16 years 10 months ago

Nina,

the undertones of life's fate lives in every word you have pen to paper! This stanza stuck in my head. -A cool chill ran up my back striking hard inside my brain.- "Invisibly, fate had joined our hell-bent reeling Unwittingly, we had embraced her and our doom Little did we know that she had planted her seed" Excellent mastery of words and imagery. I absolutely love it, but you know I live in dark poetry! thanks, Eddie
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Eddie,

I can't believe you picked these lines as your favourites! I was actually thinking of changing them... I'll leave them alone for now. Thanks, ~Nina
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

Nina

This is absolutely delicious writing. I wish I had written this piece, but then, I doubt it would have turned out as well as it did. I am enchanted by the darkness of this piece. Especially these lines: Then, we had to reap what fate had sown Weeping, devastated, we stooped and realized That underneath the most beautiful ice lurks water Silent, dark and deep You inspire me to be a better writer. Always, Cat
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Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Wow, Cat,

I inspire you... that's the nicest compliment I've heard for a long time. This piece is based on an old write (written when I was 17), which was quite simple and singsongy, it seemed apropos as a metaphor for this relationship. Yours, ~Nina
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Weird

First it wouldn't post, then it posted ad infinitum... Sorry...
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Wow, Cat,

I inspire you... that's the nicest compliment I've heard for a long time. This piece is based on an old write (written when I was 17), which was quite simple and singsongy, it seemed apropos as a metaphor for this relationship. Yours, ~Nina
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Cassie,

thank you for understanding this piece so deeply. I, too, have fond memories of skating on frozen lakes as a child, fearless, enjoying the freedom and the cold crispness of the air. Yours, ~Nina
B

broken_skye

16 years 5 months ago

Very Lovely.

Love the poem but the only thing is is that you have no periods.But other than that it is perfect.
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 5 months ago

Thank you, Skye,

Glad you liked it :) As for the periods, I have stopped using end of line punctuation some time ago, because I felt it tended to separate the lines from each other. A period is a full stop in British English, and I felt it did that. Full.STOP. as if it was shouting to the reader to stop... Yours, ~Nina

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