A Vampire's Promise (Number 5 in a series)

Thank you for this look into your particular darkness, it is exciting, interesting and sad, this tale. There is much lonliness here. Very descriptive and full of rich imagery. Always, Cat

I know that this is part of a series, but maybe it would be a better choice to start with the vampire gazing at the mist? Might be a little too cryptic for those who have not read the other poems... My suggestion to rearrange this would be: She can feel his presence. Another piece of her now stone-cold heart breaks away As she longs for him as he was before. Starry-eyed she recalls a time seeing him then at his best Able to defend and console her when she needed him. Her mind takes her back to him holding her tight in his arms, Kissing her with passion and more love then she had ever known Looking into her eyes and professing his love in words. Reality brings her back to see him lost, in pieces Somewhere twisted in the moisture filled vapor before her. Drifting lazily just above the water’s surface The Mist is limited in his territory to reign Once a proud man, full of life and vigor, Now reduced to a helpless and futile existence. A protector and provider to those held dear in his heart, Unable to even offer comfort in a world of misery and pain. His sigh sends him upon the breeze; Closer to her. Yet, he keeps his distance in fear of more disappointment Incapable of much else, he watches her As she moves aimlessly about the water. She stops, knowing his every thought, and looks to him Grief stricken at his hesitation to come close to her. Then she realizes her own difference. Once a beautiful vibrant young girl, Reduced to the monster gliding around before him. Rage infiltrates her soul. It escapes in a howl from deep within her. She looks beyond her small environment To the Hell where her creator cowers in contempt. The Mist instinctually builds around her. She hisses, “We WILL meet again… Soon.” A dark deep heckle lingers on the breeze. What do you think? Is my suggestion any good? Yours, ~Nina

I love vampires and love the darkness of this one , going to have to read all of these I am becoming a fan fast LOL Hugz Love Jayne x x

looks much better now. Glad I could be of help. Love, ~Nina

the silly system has a glitch and won't let me edit my original response. I wanted to correct my 4 star rating and give you five stars, so I will have to do it in this new reply. Very well done! Always, Cat

Nina How can you describe me so and others I know. You leave me with the cliffhanger Oh how you tease Wow powerful creation my friend. Always Electric Blue

I think you have done pretty well with this so far. It is capable of pulling it's readers in and then leaving them wanting for more (which is great). It would be nice to know a little bit more about the 2 of them and how they came together in the first place and I think your readers might be able to connect with the characters just a little bit more. But all in all I like what I've read so far...I'm hooked. Sorrow had filled their souls So all alone was how they'd feel Strangers to their hearts That had been turned now into steel Thx for the read, 2 Quills

I have always been attracted to the darker side of life as we know it..so this for me is heaven..I loved every word.. I am hooked..yep indeed.. Jen