Tap~Dancer On A Midnight Keyboard

On first blush I thought this a "pretty" piece. My second and third readings, it had a much deeper meaning. Everyone has a heart code. All of us have that signal that needs to be heard. Thank You for posting this piece. DS Baker

Speachless Cat ... and brilliant ... When I first started reading I was thinking morse code ... and then I got to the S.O.S part and the dark and my stomach dropped ... excellent write my friend much Love Jayne x x

Simple is often the quickest way to depth. This is deep, I really like it , it has the rhythm of a trickling stream. Well done Liz

This seems closer to you. It is therefore more interesting. I can read about Dracula. But this is more personal. More moving. This is a great idea. The "wall of pain", which I take to be accurate, has certain baggage. First, it is too abbreviated and direct. In this sense, words that envisage pain without being spelled p-a-i-n, are to be preferred. And then the remainder of the poem is indirect. Poetry is loaded with lament. I re-surveyed your poetry here to get a sense of your voyages to date. It mixes deep laments with a somewhat veiled glorification of very dark sexuality and much more upbeat lasciviousness. It is difficult to tell how comfortable you are to poem directly of your experiences or desires. I think it is worth a try. And I take this poem to be a toe in the water of that direction. When so much is veiled and mediated, one assumes no permission to translate the message. If you deny permission to yourself, who are we to listen closely. And yet, not to be known is the aloneness which leaves one tapping tap tap. What male could write a poem about the Ripper in an apparently praising way and not expect his own ripping at the hands of female readers? There are scads of disclosures here, which a polite readership has muffled in deference to your first choice to disclose. I was married to a victim of rape. “Dirty” is the usual word such victims use to describe their feeling of self after the fact. Rarely, though, is the reason for this description set forth. It comes, in part, from the fact that the nerves continue to function with or without ones consent. Feelings of stimulation often accompany the sense of lost control. So much so that the victim often feels like a participant in the degrading of their choice. And it is not a feeling that often dissipates. Rape victims often become rapists. That was true in my wife’s case, literally. And where they cannot rape directly by reenacted with place of power, reenactment is done through language and intrigue, sometimes by pretending the victim during otherwise normal sexual relations, so as to cast the male as the rapist – this a very complex way of raking the other. So that other sense of “Dirty” can be found in the knowledge of intent to injure which the rape victim cannot easily hide from herself. There is a one to one relationship between rape and self-mutilation. This latter bahaviour is part and parcel of internalizing of pain and a use of self, in a dramatic and threatening way, to reassure oneself of the capacity to control and a capacity to feel. It is also a morse code, in the most obvious and dramatic fashion, to the outside world. It says, "read the text of my arms". It can then devolve quickly into habit and compulsion, but carries still a stigma reinforced with each turned pair of eyes from the message that pains most all hearts. For that turning of the eyes is a symbolic turning away, which confirms, in visual but in a falsetto appreciation of the others' emotions, the self's dislike of self. I imagine that you are silenced in ways much as these. Remember that these are the normal responses to such injuries, experienced by literally billions of people. It seems somewhat paradoxical that something so shared cannot be spoken, gentled, forgiven and, thereby, made less important. I sent this comment to you privately first, since to do otherwise is too commanding and merely accents the injurious memories. In your courageous and true way, you offered a consent in my direction to make the comment more widely available. I have chosen to make these comments to a wider audience, via this place. I do hope you continue your taping but outside of Morse code (a code that is not taught to anyone anymore, so it is a perfect metaphor for the choice not to communicate to anyone, although that has never been your clear choice, since a poetry workshop inevitably would find a readership that may not read Morse, but could read the mere symbols of Morse: Tap Tap). Brian

Hey Cat, might there have been a Raven nearby...tap tapping on your door... Quoth the Anna, evermore... ;-) "You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." Ayn Rand

of life and positivity in this line! "here on my wall of pain in the darkness I’ll keep dancin’" Isn't that just what art teaches us to do! Break through the chains of our boundedness and be free once more! From utter simplicity to such profound unravelling of emotions! Excellent write Cat! Boni

Well, this is one time i am at a total loss, speechless.... Brian you read all that in Cat's poem? Or are poems mirrors for our own dark infinity...? i'm reminded of the infinity mirror... i wish i could find a jpg.. but i'm sure you all know it... two mirrors facing each other and a wo/man looking... ~A "You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." Ayn Rand

...well without reading to terribly deep into things (since I don't know you that well) I simply got the feeling of someone being bored and merely just wishing to reach out and touch somebody as so many of us often feel the urge to do. Wanting to connect and share our pain and the solemness of it all with someone who else who understand. Either way it goes I still enjoyed it and I thank you for sharing it here. Be well Cat and keep dancing, 2Quills

and also honest--how many people can put their pride aside and simply admit they have problems? a long time ago i dated a girl who was cutting herself, but i think it was only a teenage thing. on the other hand, i've seen people who have inflicted unbelievable damage on themselves with blowtorches and the like. i often wish some of these people would make one extra step, though i am sure from observing them that it must be difficult, to write something about it--release the pain without hurting themselves! i applaud both for the poem, which inspired hope in me as soon as i got done reading, and also your honesty. you are an ally! GB

I was actually relieved to read your comment about that being written during your dysfunctional days etc.... Writing is such a bloody ladder eh?! Gives us access to up & out & all kinds of exploration... Reading this - I was surprised, I thought "She's way progressed from that kind of expression"... then I read it was an old write... & no less valid, just I see your expression as far more sophistocated, & your self knowledge far deeper & lighter (as in light not weight, but that too), as for the content, ouch, I am so relieved you have pregressed, it imediately filled me with concern. & hows that Brian... bloody hell!!! Nothing I can say on that one, he said so much big stuff there, as is his want. I agree with you though, so much of our lives is spent shutting ourselves down & not expressing/exposing what we REALLY feel (for fear of rejection, looking like a loser, being too vulnerable, burdening others with our sadness/tragedy etc.), but I KNOW such expression can help others to come home to their own healing... so well done for that bravery woman, you have a great heart Cat. Cheers xx Anni~ ` "Those who dwell among the beauties & mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life" ~ Rachel Carson Writer/conservationist