Race_9togo

Aug 01, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Lilies In The Rain

raindrops beaded diamond bright
on petals soft as morning light

rain falls softly, softly
on the cusp of night

they are the same sweet jewels
that still my aching breath
when you rise from the sea
on a warm summer’s eve
and they fall from your body
as sun-kissed crimson rubies

rain falls softly, softly
on the cusp of night

pearls gleaming wet roll slow
and cool on fingertips with fragrance
shaken from its emerald prison
by the kiss of your dark skin
brushing past the nod of pale lilies
growing delicate and strong
with love for you

rain falls softly, softly
on the cusp of night

and on the old downed tree
that separates the world
from our quiet patch of woods
you grow molten in my arms
I taste the rain upon your lips
mingled with the scent of lilies
and earthen hair made ringlets
by the growing wet of evening
and desire

rain falls softly, softly
on the cusp of night

— Race_9togo, Aug 01, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

Critiques

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

PHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

PHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ...... Race this sensual,beautiful,sexy gorgeous words of love... I think you get how much I like it ... dont change a thing its beautiful as it stands ... brilliant write I cant say enough how much I loved this poem ... kudos ... regards Jayne x x P.s. more of this poetry please I adored it

Race_9togo

16 years 10 months ago

Jayne

Thank you for your kind words. In the past I did little love poetry, but since joining neopoet I find myself wrtiting more and more, so I am sure more is in the pipeline. What a bad influence you all are! ;) heehee I am glad that you enjoyed my effort. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

deelilah

16 years 10 months ago

Hi Jim

Do you have your own luscious woods nearby? I know how sensually beautiful much of Illinois is right now and you capture that mood: 'I taste the rain upon your lips mingled with the scent of lilies and earthen hair made ringlets by the growing wet of evening and desire' Beautiful language Good use of repeating line The use of the word 'from' in such close proximity bothers me just a little: 'cool on fingertips from fragrance shaken from its emerald prison' Really very nice. I can see the fireflies dancing. Deelilah

Race_9togo

16 years 10 months ago

Yes, woods nearby

But we have our own: its a small patch of trees and shrubs on the back of our property that I'm turning into a woodland garden. It was full of garlic mustard and poison ivy when I started. Now its astilbe and Turk's Cap lilies and hostas and ferns and bleeding hearts and... Yes, it does have that feel of Midwest summer, doesn't it? Midwest summers and love, who would have thought? lol. I think maybe that's starting to be a theme for me. changed the from thing. I'm glad that you enjoyed this. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Marie-I-Be

16 years 10 months ago

a surprise

Your silky words are touching my senses, Jim. This is a colorful treasure. I've already reread three times for the pure pleasure.

Marie-I-Be

16 years 10 months ago

smidge more poetic

Your silky words touch all my senses. This is a colorful treasure. I've reread three times for pure pleasure. (Now four.)

Race_9togo

16 years 10 months ago

Marie

LOL I take great pleasure in your enjoyment, I freely admit it. I believe that poetry should always evoke an emotional response in order to be considered successful. So, I guess this is! Thanks again, Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

barbsdad2003

16 years 10 months ago

It's so very ...

... nice to see a smart man so carefully craft a work of art---and then post it for our viewing pleasure(s)---as this is. Sorry. I gush. Not a thing respected too terribly much by at least some at this site. But that's the way 'tis. By gosh, can't help myself. Not my fault you wrote so well ... and a love piece at that, something I dislike in general (since the ground's been covered so frequently over the centuries), but you've pulled it all together with care and (yes, I'll mention the word again) craft, and grace. Thanx, Chuck PS: I like the two-line refrain. It fits. It works.

Race_9togo

16 years 10 months ago

Chuck

Thank you for your kind comments. I do not understand those who think that the only criticism that should be posted must be negative in order to be valid. Not that I do not value good constructive criticism, but sometimes the pettiness and meanness can be a little annoying. Encouragement and praise are just as important. Some here forget this, I think. Smart? LOL OK, I'll take that! Although my wife gets a bit pissed when people call me that because my ego grows by leaps and bounds as a result! LOL just kidding. As for love poems...I think that, for me, the secret of a good love poem is no metaphors. Simple words that evoke what you are feeling are, for me, much more powerful than being reminded of something else in an attempt to evoke emotions, which I often find trite and usually rather silly. Then again, I am a fairly literal-minded person, so maybe that's the key, I don't really know. But I am glad that you enjoyed my efforts, and I value you comments. So gush away, and to hell with what others think. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Marie-I-Be

16 years 10 months ago

Jim!

Smart, clever, funny, insightful, compassionate, emotion-evoking, gushy, nice ... your wife will just have to deal with the fact that you're an all-around great guy! Poor her. (I am assuming it's all right with you if I "gush away" as well.)

Race_9togo

16 years 10 months ago

Marie

For once, someone else's assumption is correct! LOL Just kidding with you, you made me laugh - a thing not many do, these days, and I appreciate it. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

ConcreteRose

16 years 10 months ago

Lovely Write

I found your words to be sensually beautiful Rose

Race_9togo

16 years 10 months ago

Thank you Rose

sensuous beauty is what I was trying for - glad it worked! Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

barbsdad2003

16 years 10 months ago

If it might assist a bit ...

with your wife, if I may here amend my above comment to read (rather than smart man) that this's a very smart piece written by an ordinary joe. Hope that helps at least a tad. Yours, Chuck

Race_9togo

16 years 10 months ago

LOL

Too late, I'm afraid. "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.

Join free Log in