Surreal Daliance

such a clever title and such an evocative first line! I had to read this! A couple of teensy suggestions: You sink into me like a Dali dream I disintegrate engulfed by constructions of feeling dreamed and fused with surreal magic powerfully potent and delicately pungent shaped into organic forms shocking distorted into strange evocative dance patterns cubistic visions wander my brain and straight lines curve as I feel your strong blood filled weapon enter my cave and awake to mad spasms of fire and sweet fancies trolls and fairies, spectres and mirrored faces strangle the guts to an ovate position and striate the wisdom of fears as the ecstasy reaches the ears and hearing the scream the flow of ice cream melts the centred red heart and its sinews take part stretching and flowing with waves like the sea I change shape from a conical round blow boiling fish out of guts and stride about in a turmoil of joyous depleted fatigue wobbled wonders and flowers sprout to Hades and back to sky wars and dragons to food from the bats in the belfry tolling the bell all hell let loose in the noose of the womb as those tinkling beauties entombed in the depths groan and shout sing and smile by the light of the moon it's over, no never it goes on forever and goes on as the new generations add fashion to fashion complete history's new credo and feed us with fire lightened with music aspire to be feeble and forceful simultaneously faulty yet real. - This was so much fun to read! You're a naughty girl, dear Ann! Yours, ~Nina

Bravo dear Ann, I was so captured, by the first few stanzas, & in truth loved the rest as well, but would have loved it if the poems were seperated into shorter pieces (Heh... how dare I suggest such a thing... such a rambler & verbose thing myself!)... still it is my response.. it would allow me to drink the lovely flow of your sentiments better... just my opinion... I will have to return to try again when concentration is better dear one.. Fabulous writing though... worth five stars just for the first few lines my gorgeous woman! Cheers Anni~ ` "Those who dwell among the beauties & mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life" ~ Rachel Carson Writer/conservationist

Wow! This is a new direction. This has the makings of an exceptional poem. It also needs a ruthless edit. I am not sure whether now is the time to tackle such a difficult task since we tend to fall in love with our creations and need some distance to find that forbearance for ruthless editing. Plus, you are already moving continents of style. Still, I have set out quite stridently the good the bad and the ugly. I do this because there is so much good stuff in this poem, it deserves to have the weaknesses culled. It is so great that you have bitten into this nervy work. You sink into me like a Dali dream [terrific, terrific, terrific] I disintegrate engulfed by constructions of feeling [constructions is too planning oriented: feelings aren’t normally so planned.] dreamed and fused with surreal magic [magic is by definition surreal and I wouldn’t dilute the Dali dream this way.] powerfully potent and delicately pungent shaped into organic forms shocking distorted into strange evocative dance patterns cubistic visions wander my brain and straight lines curve as I feel your strong blood filled weapon enter my cave [weapon/cave needs to be replaced by something as bold as many of the other lines: Examples: for cave/vulva/vagina: crucible, arc of the covenant, niche, vulva, cunt, dwelling, dimple, wadi, alter, dell, marsh, your abacus (M) my calculus (F), etc.; for sword/penis: piccolo, horn, swash, pride, vanity, ostentation, uncertainty, certainty, tuber; also, your chorus, my melody, your evidence, my affirmation, your proof, my corroboration, your seal, my envelope, your testator, my administratrix, your argument, my confession, your facts, my myth, your cleric, my church, your anathema, my forgiveness (some of these are interchangeable). and awake to mad spasms of fire and sweet fancies trolls and fairies, spectres and mirrored faces [Dali to trolls – contrast of genres – too much] strangle the guts to an ovate position and striate [superb] the wisdom of fears [superb] as the ecstasy reaches the ears and hearing the scream the flow of ice cream melts the centred red heart [exceptional] and its sinews take part stretching and flowing with waves like the sea [too common] I change shape from a conical round blow boiling [awkward] fish out of guts and stride about [2nd guts – use once] in a turmoil of joyous depleted fatigue wobbled wonders and flowers sprout to Hades and back to sky wars and dragons to food from the bats in the belfry [genre change] tolling the bell [too close to Ernest Hemmingway] all hell let loose in the noose of the womb [noose of the womb is terrific] as those tinkling beauties [overies? It is difficult to guess.] entombed in the depths groan and shout [ok] sing and smile by the light of the moon it’s over, no never it goes on forever [nice sound] and goes on [works] as the new generations add fashion to fashion complete history’s new credo [new topic?] and feed us with fire lightened with music [“feed us” sounds like “fetus”, so there is a nice word play] aspire to be feeble and forceful simultaneously [very good] faulty yet real. [also very good] I am a little concerned to be so forward when you have so recently struck in this new direction. Your imagination has issued such unique ideas it would be a shame to leave the poem such a pot pourri. Brian

I love the play of words, and the title is grand! I saw things I too would change, but will wait to see the edit. You certainly have set the pace here, I think we shall see a spate of erotisim in the next couple of days. Swords are going to be whipped out and plunged into hearts of fire for sure! Great write O' Queen. Sir Gee is off to seek some romance in Neopoetland! ~ Gee. `

What can I say this is brilliant ... speachless ... Love Jayne x x 'We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Breton and the gang had realized their dream worldwide, eh? "and straight lines curve as I feel/your strong blood filled weapon enter my cave and awake to mad spasms of fire and sweet fancies/trolls and fairies, spectres and mirrored faces/strangle the guts to an ovate position and striate the wisdom of fears/as the ecstasy reaches the ears/and hearing the scream". these had to be my favorite lines in the poem: we can feel vache, lautreamont, crevel, dali, and the opiated faces of a million galleries opening their eyes for a moment, wondering: perhaps my synchroncities are still snapping? GB

i was never sure what fire roused affect to effect being consumed with everything and just now starting to respond in written form here and elsewere maybe If I was eaten up by a mate I wouldnt be driven to write but sated and busy during the evening hours when instead Im writing burning with a desire and drive if I was satisfied with something I wouldnt be obsessed and would ignore the madness to keep posting so that will never happen so I will continue to be frustrated and driven and keep writing and sometimes painting (i hope) But this poem and the way its presented is fantastic Ann !!!