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Proportions of a wo/man charmed by a Snake

Deleted for Publication
— Seren, Dec 19, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

More from this author

Critiques

Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 5 months ago

This is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

This is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much info* for a mum. ;-) *no matter how big it is.. er.. great....er wonderful. ~A Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Mum

I love you ya know? I just woke up with the biggest smile .. thank you for that love and hugs Jayne-Chloe
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest Matty

Thank you for your comment,hope you got home ok ... love you brother love and biggest hugs Jaykneeeeee ;)
B

bjp

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Jayne-Chloe,

Was that good for you? This is a very physical visceral poem. You are becoming a very very good poet. I am immensely proud of you. This poem is now Great Poem 45. Brian
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

I am ever thankful that the

I am ever thankful that the gods decided to grant me the boon of finding you love you Ma Jayne (huggles)
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Brian

It was you who opened the floodgates yesterday with your 44th ... thank you for your continued support your friendship and ... I was the happiest lil vegemite in town today :) love to you both Jayne-Chloe
W

W.C.Wampler

16 years 5 months ago

...charmed...poem...comment

Seren, This is a nice little story that doesn't lose it's grip whatsoever. It flows, and grows, then has a twist after the climax...the last line. Well done.wcw
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

W.C !!

Thank you soo much for your comment I liked the twist as well lol thought it made it more us, hes a machinehead after all love and hugs Jayne x x
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Seabhac

LOL thanks for the comment darlin ... glad you liked the ending ... Brians fault I am blaming his 44th great poet for this one inspired I was what can I say lol Love and hugs Jayne x x
Z

ziggy

16 years 5 months ago

mmmmmmmmm

tasty stuff wow wee another hot one i was glued till the last word ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ziggy
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Ziggy

So happy you liked this one ... and I am stoked that it grabbed your attention ... that was its intention love and hugs Jayne x x
Electric Blue

Electric Blue

16 years 5 months ago

Snake Charm

Lady Jayne that halo's hidden away Wow you take my breath away what a roller coaster ride this is. With lips salivating the body aching again to know the memeories reserected you really know how to weave and tease but thanks for the memories once known. your last line so visual and alive- encore and much more Amazing my friend Electric Blue
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest Magz

And you me dear Lady are a wonderful friend thanks for commenting on this one and those last lines were inspired ... thanks for your continued support and love and friendship without it I never would have got to here love and biggest hugs Jayne x x
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

I have lived a thousand

I have lived a thousand lives I have walked the path of misery I have died and resurrected but satisfaction is just a thought away :) thank you for alllll your messages made me smile love and hugs Jayne x x
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Stick your chest back in

Stick your chest back in LMAO ... you wont get out the door with that head love you BabyJayne x x
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Jayne,

again, I can only say "wow". A stunning write. Layers of meaning overlapping each other. More wows. Yours, ~Nina
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest Nina

It was you who first held me to task and made me see that to write wasnt just putting the nib to the page ... so thank you!!for your help and guidance and thanks for the accolades (hugs) love Jayne x
Geezer

Geezer

16 years 5 months ago

Well, do I get...

My chance now? I just hate it, when I have to wade through so many comments, before I can get my 2 cents in...UMMMmmmmmmm, UH, hhhmmmm... I love the line; "Designing schemes so Machiavellian, that Lester would have been impressed and helped." Awesome, in a way I have rarely seen from you. I mean you have just made this outrageous, but wonderful poem of seduction, and he will read it, and say that every word is true, and be happy with it! Higgest bugs, Lotta love, ~ Gee
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest Gee

You have been a constant support and friend to me ... and without the friendship and love from all of you ... I wouldnt have got this far ... EVER love you dear man Jayne x x
Geezer

Geezer

16 years 5 months ago

You have been...

the same for me! Congrats on spotlight. I am always late it seems, but no less enthusiastic! Love ya, ~ Gee
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Gee

Thanks for your congrates my friend ... and never late just tied up in traffic lol (HUGGLES) love and hugs Jayne x x
Heading South

Heading South

16 years 5 months ago

Congratulations!!!

Dear Jayne, congratulations on spotlight and thanks for introducing me to the term Vitruvian Man! Love, Daniel
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Daniel

thank you and I am glad to have returned a favour, you always teach me something with your writes ... love and hugs Jayne x
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 5 months ago

viceral, erotic and seething with intelligence

a red hot gem? a maelstrom of craft and talent? Wow girl you knock my socks off. Your talent is burgeoning on an exponential curve. I'm almost afraid of what comes next, instead of my socks it my explode my head! (((hugs))), Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest Jess

Your comment made my day you are someone whose opinion and regard has always meant the world to me,those words of yours are carved into my heart ... I follow that curve not knowing whats coming next but my next has already begun ... (((hugz))) Jayne-Chloe x x x
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Billy follow the trail

Dear Billy follow the trail of breadcrumbs I left for you all will be revealed ;) glad your day ended better hun you take care ok love and hugs Jayne
Tam the Chanter

Tam the Chanter

16 years 5 months ago

hot lips hoolahan

Jayne, this is such a visceral write.It has enough raw emotion to power a jumbo jet. I think I'll take a cold shower and write poison pen letters to your partner, the lucky bastard. Love Ian xx
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

MASH

I grew up on reruns of that show and hot lips was cool ;) LOL and my hubby smiled like a big old cat when i read your message and i think his chest pumped out a little more as well :) lmao thanks so much for your comment glad I could 'Entertain' everyone today lol its nice to know when they work lol love and hugs Jayne xc x
OM

odd molly

16 years 5 months ago

Just lovely ! Nothing in

Just lovely ! Nothing in this life is more wonderful than fiery and fiery red passion. I so love how you wrote this poem dear Jayne .. it is a little master piece and so are you. Merry Christmas sweet wild girl. love. o molly ps. I have never heard of Vitruvian men before. Maybe they don't go north.
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Molly

There is nothing like the fire of passion when your in love with the one ... and the Vitruvian man was a picture my leondardo da vinci one of my favourites ... I have left some information and the link to the wiki page if your interested ... thanks again for your wonderful comment made me smile :) The Vitruvian Man is a world-renowned drawing created by Leonardo da Vinci around the year 1487.[1] It is accompanied by notes based on the work of the famed architect, Vitruvius Pollio. The drawing, which is in pen and ink on paper, depicts a male figure in two superimposed positions with his arms and legs apart and simultaneously inscribed in a circle and square. The drawing and text are sometimes called the Canon of Proportions or, less often, Proportions of Man. It is stored in the Gallerie dell'Accademia in Venice, Italy, and, like most works on paper, is displayed only occasionally.[2][3] The drawing is based on the correlations of ideal human proportions with geometry described[4] by the ancient Roman architect Vitruvius in Book III of his treatise De Architectura. Vitruvius described the human figure as being the principal source of proportion among the Classical orders of architecture. Other artists had attempted to depict this concept, with less success. Leonardo's drawing is traditionally named in honour of the architect. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitruvian_Man love and hugs Jayne x x
OM

odd molly

16 years 5 months ago

Of course sweet girl I

Of course sweet girl I should know. I ve been educated in the fine arts and it is my job as well, ( proffessor of textile art and fashion design ) Gosh !! I guess I have to do the course again. and yes Leonardo never stops to amaze. Love you. O molly
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Molly,I am but a simple

Dear Molly, I am but a simple singing teacher ... you a professor no wonder you write so fantasticly ... I have never been trained in fine art but do appreciate it immensely Leonardo is one of my heros and someone I read constantly ... LOL we all have slips of the mind , mine was a bible quote I said earlier ... and forgot its origin it just makes us human love you Jayne x x
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 5 months ago

Jayne...

Leaps and bounds dear lady Jayne... thoroughly enjoyed the read! and all the comments you've received. Richard
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Richard

thank you for your comment leaps and bounds for lots of us eh ? you streamed ahead I just followed your trail dear man :) love and big hugs Jayne x x
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest

Is it suddenly hot in here? I find myself blushing... I loved all the lines, therefore I cannot pick a few favorite. Beautiful, Darlin, just beautiful. You are one of my favorite poets. Love, big sis
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest Big Sis

I just found your message and my face split in a smile big as big as house ... your one of my favourites so its as it should be huni ... thanks for all the help you are one of the people who lifted me up and helped me grow as a poet I can never repay all of you love you lil Sis x x x
P

pleiades

16 years 5 months ago

now granted, i haven’t

now granted, i haven't read a great deal of your work, but this is far and away my favourite. of yours that i have read, this is different...this is writing in another gear. i was completely involved from start to finish, and still was able to marvel at your word choices as i read. this is very visceral and raw; these words almost appear as if they fell onto the page in outpouring...yet, at the same time, the care taken with phrasing and structure is evident. fantastic. very few writes give me envy issues...how i wish these lines were mine; From the first instant my eyes laid bare circled and squared at the feet of a Vitruvian man, the one uniqueness in my possession, I was lust to your loins longing to rip your Levi’s into little streamers and hang them from my window, while tieing your Johnny Rebs to my planter box, the world would know you were mine the more i read this, the more impressed i am by how well crafted a write this is. i find i need to express in the vernacular... "a bloody ripper, reet!" cheers p
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear P

Thanks for your comment and you are partially right I wrote this a month ago in one great outpouring ... and then I didnt know how I wanted to finish it ... then Brian put up another of his greats and the ending flashed at me ... the only thing that was added after the fact was the vitruvian man reference lol I wanted something to set that first verse apart ... anyway thanks for the wonderful comment love and hugs Jayne x x
moianna

moianna

16 years 5 months ago

wow! Very

wow! Very inspiring-something to strive for.
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Moiana

Thank you for your comment its much appreciated ... kind regards Jayne x x
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

I am afraid I was a little

I am afraid I was a little disappointed with this poem. The first stanza showed the promise of being one of your finer works, but I feel it got cought up in the erotic elements and lost that unique artistic expressive voice that is so rich in who you are, and in your finer works. As a titilating work in a romance novel it's fine, but as a serious poetic work, it's less then your best in my opinion. you know I love you so I must say what I feel. Though I am going to keep a copy of it tucked away like everybody else, for a cold night.Your friend, Barry ...o..
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Sorry Barry but thats about

Sorry Barry but thats about as offensive as it gets and now I wouldnt know who loves me and who doesnt anymore ... this place can be two faced And if its just a masterbation tool you obviously didnt understand the poem in this poem there is one reference to anything anatomical ... real poetry can allude to sex and not say it ... I would say I achieved that ... but then obviously we have a different view ... and you may as well kicked me in the teeth why wait till now ?? to comment, no dont bother answering ... I dont want to know I have been attacked enough for one day

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