Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

AA
adjei agyei-baah
Dec 19, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Piano Keys

the color
white
makes a spark
and black
makes a mark
but if they can co-exist
in a perfection of grace
on the balcony of the piano

why then
should the world
spend its time
talking about:
a skin face
down to race
in order to disgrace!

— adjei agyei-baah, Dec 19, 2009

About the Author

Country/Region: GHA

More from this author

Critiques

Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

I like this one, Adjei, it

I like this one, Adjei, it has an essence of simplicity and meaning well expressed. I don't know why I felt the last three lines were difficult to completely comprehend, I know what you are saying but..... that makes it not quite perfect for me! Ann of Norway
AA

adjei agyei-baah

16 years 5 months ago

Hello Ann

Have always appreciate your honest comment.Will see what i can do about the last three lines to mke it a bit clearer.A friend also made the same comment.But thanks if you were able to decipher what I was trying to hammer.Merry Xmas and a happy new year.
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 5 months ago

this is a good poem

but also precisely why you must read more widely in poetry. Crikey, this was covered in a pop song, Michael Jackson's "Ebony and Ivory" It is terribly hard to be original in any art after 20,000 years or so of human art, but it is easier when you know what to avoid. You are clearly talented and passionate and I really look forward to more of your work. May I make a small suggestion? Try writing a few pieces without rhyming at all. You don't have to post them but you will learn more of the music inherent in language, so when when you do use rhyme it will be a natural part of your work rather than an artificial construct. Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible
AA

adjei agyei-baah

16 years 5 months ago

Hi Jess

Thanks for your honest comment on my poem.I would have love read a lot on poetry so that i could write with a touch of eclat.I am yet to be enrolled into the Writers College and hope this will help me to perfect my talent and write like some of the poetry doyens.Will also try my hands on some free verse like you suggested as i think will also reveal the other side of my writing aility.>oce again thanks for your time spent on my work.You are appreciated
L

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

Hi

Written from your heart. That is wonderful. Honest and straight to the point. Love Lyz. XX
L

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

Yes

and well done. Love from Lyz. XX
M

maverick47

16 years 3 months ago

I agree

I agree with Ann. Simple but powerful. I also agree about the last three lines. The ugliness of racial bigotry seems to be more about pigmentation then someones face, I really like the simplicity that you use tofhe absurdity of racial prejudice
M

maverick47

16 years 3 months ago

I agree

I agree with Ann. Simple but powerful. I also agree about the last three lines. The ugliness of racial bigotry seems to be more about pigmentation then someones face, I really like the simplicity that you use to point out the absurdity of racial prejudice

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.

Join free Log in