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D
Damo
Apr 19, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Making My Way Home

Shaded by constructed humanity
I think, I feel
That I delight in what I see…
I have never met
This man
But I know him all ready.
Standing beneath the
Autumn tree
Reciting his poetry
Personally.
Meaning carried silently
Through the day-time helium mist
Stinging my soul so sweetly
Covering me
More completely
Than my cloth
Revealing me
Nakedly
I dance along my path
Extend my hand to the grass,
Flowers and shrubbery
Offer them my silent words.
For I know they will listen -
These unhindering boundaries -
As they have for centuries.
And for a moment
I remember
What I forgot

On my birthday…

It is fleeting.
I bow and pay my respects
Forgetting what I had remembered
Momentarily
I busy myself toward the apprentice musician
Making my way home.
— Damo, Apr 19, 2010
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Critiques

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poewriter58

16 years 1 month ago

Damo

I enjoyed reading your poem. The imagery is wonderful,good subject matter and well thought out However I was a bit ruffled by all of the I's and Me's is there not another way you might sate this and still hold the intergrity of the poem? Chrys
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Damo

16 years 1 month ago

Thanks for the feedback

Thanks for the feedback Chrys and I am glad you got something from reading this. I am interested by your comment about being ruffled by the 'I's and 'me's' (and I assume 'my's). This is a representation of me and I take ownership my experience of my world within this poem. What is it that ruffles you about the use of the 'I's' and 'me's'?
P

poewriter58

16 years 1 month ago

Damo

I'm sure you do take ownership. However I feel and this is just an opion, that by the use of many I's and Me's it reads as though you are saying I I I and ME ME Me perhaps if would allow me I will give an example of how this may be changed and still hold the integrity of the poem I think, I feel perhaps I think and feel ? that I delight in what is seen might be or The delight in what I see extend a hand see where I am going with this It is still a beautiful poem no matter what Chrys
D

Damo

16 years 1 month ago

Thanks

Thanks for the feed back. And thanks for your kind words. This was just a reflection of the simple beauties that I see in the world around me - basically I wrote it to top up with love...

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