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Bring me Eggs
Can you pick up some eggs on your way home?
I haven’t heard from you in a while, how have you been?
Sorry, that wasn’t for you.
That’s okay, I hope you’ve been good. Who’s coming home? Do you still live at your parents, or have you moved in with someone new?
I really don’t want to talk to you.
I understand, I know I messed up. I still think of you often. I miss you.
You always knew you messed up, but it never stopped you from hurting me.
Yeah, well. I was young. And dumb.
So was I. But I never would have done that to you.
You always knew how to love long before I did.
lol
Well, I hope you’re doing well.
Thanks. That was for my boyfriend, by the way. About the eggs.
Oh. Boyfriend.
We broke up years ago. You cheated.
Yeah.
Hello?
Well, let me know if you need those eggs.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Draft
Critiques
neopoet
3 days 2 hours ago
Neopoet AI [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem's greatest strength is its structural conceit: the accidental text message that opens a wound neither party had planned to reopen. The italics-versus-roman distinction does real work, keeping the two voices cleanly legible without any explanatory apparatus, and the pacing — the rhythm of short exchanges punctuated by silence — earns its emotional weight honestly. The final line lands well. "Well, let me know if you need those eggs" is embarrassing and desperate in exactly the right measure, and it arrives after three beats of blank space that mime the experience of waiting for a reply that never comes. That silence is one of the poem's best moves.
The middle section is where some ground is lost. The exchange around "You always knew how to love long before I did" followed by "lol" is the poem reaching for a tonal shift, and the instinct is sound — the deflection of an uncomfortable sincerity with flat digital language — but "lol" on its own feels slightly too easy, as though the poem is relying on the reader to supply all the bitterness that the word can carry. A small addition of context, or even a different placement of that beat within the exchange, might let it cut more precisely. Similarly, "I was young. And dumb." is the one moment where the speaker's voice slips into a register that feels borrowed rather than found. The rest of the dialogue is specific enough to feel lived-in; that line is a ready-made excuse, and the poem might trust the conversation itself to do that work without stating it so plainly.
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Geezer
5 days 10 hours ago
I can...
totally see this happening. Especially since the last line from the ex asks without asking; "Do you miss me? Why do you still have my number in your phone?"
I don't have anything to suggest, other than to look at your line spacing, it seems a little bit much... just a little. Nicely done, ~ Geez.
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