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IRiz
By IRiz, 27 January, 2018
Forums
Anything goes

Even among old traditional schools of Haiku
there was a question whether 5-7-5 is the only way to structure the message.
But structure is needed to keep the text dense, to concentrate the content to its limits, to make it to ring like a tight string.

cold wind
branches swing
ruffled feathers

branch swings
birds hold on
winter berries

woke up
looked outside
silent winter

I I have realized that English is a short word language that needs different rules to keep a poet to the point. Here I suggest a 2-3-4 structure to explore the capacity of English language for forming brief multifaceted poetic message.
What do Neopoets think?
Let's do something that would distinguish our poetic face from any other groups and movements.
If not neohaiku, perhaps something else?

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 5 months ago

Absolutely!

You are really on to something here and I am very excited about running a workshop with you about it.

R

raj

7 years 5 months ago

Dear All

I am excited to see that this new form is getting more interest, attention and participation. Let's get more members into this who would love it and contribute through value addition, especially coining a name for this form...keep the buzz on...

Cheers!

R

raj

7 years 5 months ago

Sunku

Posted a little while ago a Sunku if it is ultimately being called that...on the theme of Bloody Rad Blue Supermoon....this addiction is getting to me ...blame it on IRiz...lol..

Regards..

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 5 months ago

Maybe sunku, I want to

Maybe sunku, I want to consult my Japanese friend and tanka master Rika Inami.
Have you posted your moon-poem in your stream?

R

raj

7 years 5 months ago

IRiz it's always good to get

IRiz it's always good to get expert opinion before settling on something as important as coining a name for a new poetry form..this is because it will be a so to say an iconic moment in the annals of poetry...

Yes, I have posted "A Bloody Red Blue Moon" in the stream...more to draw attention of those who care to read it to this new form and to get them to this Forum Topic...more the merrier eh!

Regards...

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 5 months ago

Sunku

Mad girl
bit me hard
there are scars

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 5 months ago

to continue...

bites heal
burnt books don't
that was the end.

Since then
art is all
my craft is me

alone
not lonely
I have you all.

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 5 months ago

Fantastic write. Sweet.

Fantastic write. Sweet.
I cherish my virtual friends too.
Thank you for your great take.
My Japanese friend told me that the common form of loose three lines called sungyoku, so we might be okay for strictly limited structure to be called sunku in English. She just doesn't care much about English politely indicating that we can do whatever we want with the language she "doesn't know". But she knows it all right and she likes my poems. My guess she doesn't care much about novel forms being prehistoric classical tanka writer. She explained to me that she even uses archaic Japanese for her writings. She is a star of dogmatic rules:) I find it cute.

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 5 months ago

I always suspected she was lying

when she said there was no Japanese word for romantic love. And she really did try to burn my books, in the house! It was the only time I've ever called the cops in my life.

She bit
she burnt books
I called her Steerpike

R

raj

7 years 5 months ago

Hi IRiz

unless you haven't found out already, online search tells me:-

Surimu in Japanese means slim
Torimu in Japanese means trim
Kurisupu means crisp

May be these could help in your search for an appropriate name

Regards..

S

scribbler

7 years 5 months ago

LOL

You've done it now Riz. Are you aware what the next stage of coming up with a new form is? Running a workshop on said form. You should be expecting a request about doing so soon from whoever the workshop director is now before too long. No good deed goes unpunished lmao......stan