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And .....

And,........
I don't really need
that many friends anyway
and, .......
I don't have
all that much extra time
and, .......
things always get complicated
and,......
calls get dropped
at the most inconvenient
moments
and, .....
text messages just tend
to aggravate instead of inform
and, ....
I get tired
and, .....
these fucked-up moodswings
come so suddenly
and
recede unevenly
or linger
like a gloomy overcast morning

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

More from this author

Comments

themoonman

themoonman

12 years 8 months ago

HI Edevold,

Love the idea and the write, the only suggestion
would be to come up with a catchier title and remove
all but perhaps two of the "ands", just a suggestion,
good to see you here.

Richard

Edevold

Edevold

12 years 8 months ago

hi moon,

I've lately felt more like writing...... (I've been working on songs and music more).
I rewrote the poem and changed the title to "just friends".......
It needs a few changes her and there.... and I should try versing some varying subjects......
Thanks, Mark