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Oct 23, 2012
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Dying thoughts
Vacancy approaches swiftly,
meanwhile, lightless beings call for me.
Whatever the reason,
I am supposed to be here.
What I am is complete
because of you.
Stories echo the previous,
Mentioning the sense we share.
Becoming complete,
is the only option.
Eternity seems so far away,
but none of what I say
will impact us.
Streets flow like veins,
each leading somewhere new.
Wherever this heart lies,
it is perished.
The end will be the beginning,
nothing here can explain what is there.
However, somehow you will know.
It will not be,
Never will we share, Or understand,
Why circumstance caused us.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Take this poem wherever you want.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
themoonman
13 years ago
Hi Spencer,
What I get out of this is the afterlife but that
last line or short stanza throws me, perhaps
I'm having a dense morning.
I liked the poem and thanks for sharing
Richard
Ian.T
12 years 11 months ago
Spence
This is either a love that you are holding or as Moonman says an afterlife thing.
There needs to be a good edit to clarify the theme, and to tidy the stanzas a little, there is a strand running through the piece but I will wait for you to sort out first,
Yours Ian.T