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Nov 07, 2012
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Mathematics
when my thoughts
drown in debts
and doubts,
too great to count.
when my ills look more,
and endlessly mount,
I take a few moments,
to count the blessings I have,
and find,
they are uncountable too.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
judyanne
12 years 7 months ago
yes i like this rula
especially the end - makes it memorable imo
just a few suggestions
when your thoughts
drown in debts
and doubts,
that you can't count. (too great to count)
when your ills look more,
and endlessly they mount, (drop ‘they)
take few moment, (take a few moments)
to count the blessings you have,
find out; (drop ‘out’)
they are uncountable too.
- just suggestions as you know
love judy
xxx
Rula
12 years 7 months ago
Thanks judy
great suggestions . I believe they make a difference.
Geezer
12 years 7 months ago
Great...
poem Rula! I think Judy is right on both counts. Beautiful work and the critique was right on!
You are making a name for yourself here. You fit your profile well. ~ Gee
Rula
12 years 7 months ago
Gee!
words that I really appreciate . Thanks for reading and dropping such a great comment!
weirdelf
12 years 7 months ago
Oh 'ware the second person!
It becomes so easily preachy or (retch) inspirational. Poets don't tell people what to do, they show what can be.
Consider this presumptuous re-write-
when my thoughts
drown in debts
and doubts,
too great to count.
when your ills look more,
and endlessly mount,
I take a few moments,
to count the blessings I have,
and find,
they are uncountable too.
Rula
12 years 7 months ago
Retch! TY!
Thanks for reading and for the suggestion . You've got a point indeed which I appreciate.
I edited accordingly.