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Shamoneness
Shamoneness
Nov 08, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Autumn Home

The wistful wind
The tide of the trees
The red and gold color of crisp fallen leaves

The vast green floor
And blue tapestries
Blew right through me with the gentle breeze

My peaceful soul
Knows its home
This great rock of which I roam

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Michigan/USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

More from this author

Comments

Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

12 years 8 months ago

'Scuse me for trying another

'Scuse me for trying another version of your poem,
that has the rhythm that in some parts yours lacked.

The wistful wind
the tide of trees
the red and gold
crisp fallen leaves

The vast green floor
blue tapestries
right through me flowed
in gentle breeze

The last verse I didn't find fitted this poem.
Through you flowed is slightly odd too, I wonder...

Love Ann of Norway.

Shamoneness

Shamoneness

12 years 8 months ago

Thanks

so much for the critique! (: I really appreciate it. But personally, i like the way i wrote it. It has a different kind of flow that i think works.

& the last verse fit because it explains how the beautiful Earth that i described in the last verses, is my home. Hence, the title 'Autumn Home".

Amber

Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

12 years 8 months ago

Hei Shamoneness

I agree on re reading this you have a particular rhythm of your own,
although the last line doesn't carry that out exactly. I like the simplicity
and the message of it. And by saying simplicity, its like one time I
was asked to play the piano, I was a child, and on saying I only know
a simple piece compared to the one you played, he said, the simple
can often be the finest, it all depends on how you play it.

Love Ann and Amber is such a wonderful name.

Shamoneness

Shamoneness

12 years 8 months ago

.

I absolutely agree, sometimes the most simple things can be the most beautiful.

Thank you, Ann! (: