scribbler

Dec 10, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

DRIVER

Headlights on the highway
grit in tired eyes
on the road since Friday
way more lows than high
keeping it between the lines

Trading miles for money
exchanging life for time
endless days are never sunny
as I wipe off the grime
keeping it between the lines

Mirrors reflecting glaring light
while ol' Hank and Waylon play
alone another four lane night
tailgaters just won't go away
keeping it between the lines

I guess they'll find me one fine day
slumped on the steering wheel
beside some nameless lone highway
entombed in Detroit steel
having lived between the lines

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

weirdelf

12 years 7 months ago

Forgive me, but this seems dumb.

I guess I am missing something about long distance driving, why follow the centre line when you could drive on the right side of the road and avoid a head-on?

On the other hand this is bloody well written, your craft is improving immensely. I could pick out a few meter things, but won't bother, it is a powerful poem.

scribbler

12 years 7 months ago

Hi Jess

Hmmm....... I was going to justify my use of that line then paused and thought (I know, a rarity for me lol). The only time I've Ever followed that line was years ago when it was night and so foggy that the only way to See the center line was to straddle it on a lonely mountain road. So I'm gonna change that line.

I'm pleased to know I'm getting incrementally better. Guess an old dog Can learn now tricks...................stan

Ian.T

12 years 7 months ago

Stan

Good write here just wondering if you could use "aside the lines" instead of keeping it between the lines, except for the last stanza where you met that other bit of Detroit steel, LOL A double Road kill, don't tell Gee or Killer will be there making soup.
Take care young Stan,
Yours Ian.T

scribbler

12 years 7 months ago

Hi Ian

I've known a few long haul truckers who often parted ways by saying "keep it between the lines". In U.S. most roads have a center line and a line at the pavement edge on both sides, hence this was a way of saying keep safe............stan

scribbler

12 years 7 months ago

Hi Lonnie

You can thank Jess for leading me to change the last line in each stanza. Now I gotta get to HS and change them there also lol. Thanks for dropping by.............stan

Race_9togo

12 years 7 months ago

Hey Stan

Absolutely nothing to say except well done, this is really really good. I love that last line.

scribbler

12 years 7 months ago

Hi Jim

Thank you. I seldom use repeated lines and am pleased that it worked well this time. I changed on the last line specifically to add impact . Thanks for the time to read and comment...............stan

Ian.T

12 years 7 months ago

Stan

Didn't the last stanza imply Impact ??? LOL
Two Detroit Dustbins having a fight.???
La La, Sparrow

loved

12 years 7 months ago

thank god I wasn't

on the highway
when you were driving ...
I would have been caught for
abettment

anyway nice one as usual Stan