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Dec 14, 2012
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icarus
her love lifted me to the Sun,
The heart-break moulted my wings,
i crashland into a sea of despair.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
weirdelf
12 years 7 months ago
mixed metaphor
Icarus flew too close to the sun, not to angelic heights.
It spoils such a short poem.
weirdelf
11 years ago
Better
I like this short piece, it affects me.
Ian.T
11 years ago
Zeus
You could have saved Icarus from falling, I read both the original and the edited piece and as Jess says it is the second version that s true to myth.
Yet another picture of heartbreak, we build things up and sometimes have to be there when they come crashing down.
The way is eternal, a good write!
Yours Ian.T
weirdelf
11 years ago
Zeussirius
it is considered polite to reply, or at least acknowledge, commentary given to your poem. You are welcome to disagree with critique given.
Zeussirius
11 years ago
Thanks to everyone who
Thanks to everyone who commented and I am sorry for not replying on time, I've been busy. So I should go with the second version right?
weirdelf
11 years ago
I would
it just makes more sense. Just my opinion.
Zeussirius
11 years ago
The second version it is,
The second version it is, thank you everyone. Cheers.