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Jan 04, 2013
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O P A L
the fine dream
like fire mists
a sun behind
the crystal kiss
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
weirdelf
12 years 6 months ago
exquisite!
I would wear this as a broach designed in ceramics or even consider a tattoo!
Not a word or sound out of place.
loved
12 years 6 months ago
its incredible Esker
you can also convey
so much in so little
great words yours
normally
I look forward to the serpentine ones
as I get lost in the entwining
sueb
12 years 6 months ago
beautiful x
beautiful x
Jenifer James
12 years 6 months ago
loved it too
loved it too
Seren
12 years 6 months ago
Dear Steven
In so few words you convey a whole canvas of pictures
You have inspired me !!!
Oh gentle fire
That lights the mist
Kiss me in
this midnight bliss
Lol love Jc xxx
Esker
12 years 6 months ago
alteration Jc
"Kiss me in
a moonbeams bliss"
having travelled in that light
through forest trails
and in intercity fall wanders
There is the light that falls
radiant and full
the mysticism of its draw
thats where this comes from
and when the sun is falling
in the afternoon
and a crystalline snow is descending
the chill..the right temperature
the light refracts upward
after dusk
even I as worn with society and life
with others stops on a busy city
hill to watch this for a moment
Someone said to me today that writers
see things...
and I think she was right
but it takes someone who doesnt normally
see to read and "see" "it" that makes
the magic happen
otherwise as its been said Im just
a monkey banging away on my typewriter..
Thank You!
Seren
12 years 6 months ago
when I have shifted
when I have shifted
through space and time
and I see the making
watching its birth
I shiver in the knowing
the lines all connect
and people find the end
is as beautiful
as the beginning
~
MichelleK
12 years 6 months ago
So effortlessly taut and beautiful
Your work always astounds me. I can't really critique anything. The only thing that you might want to possibly consider is maybe losing the first "the" as it then gives more emphasis to the last line.
weirdelf
12 years 6 months ago
michelle! great to see you!
am immediately going to see if you have posted.
Must say, disagree with your crit. Consider it as an unknown Japanese form, the symmetry is perfect.
MichelleK
12 years 6 months ago
Sorry Esker and Jess
I didn't realise it was in a form. Just ignore me:p!
weirdelf
12 years 6 months ago
no no no
it wasn't a form, it was an Esker invented form. I was just saying I thought the symmetry was perfect.
Esker
12 years 6 months ago
having seen Opal only a few times..
I saw the sunlight in that day in winter...
there are moments each season gives to me
usually when Im in a rush and should not
notice...But I do..I know Im not alone here
we all look up watching the sky...Sitting in
coffee or a light to change...I watch flags
and clouds for weather signs...So many
moods and faces to see..to feel..
form like then...Its interpretation
of course always unless we run a banner ahead
or below in last words
Im just happy it worked and that poets find
it agreeable....I do confess I rather like Opal
very much...
Thank You!
Esker
12 years 6 months ago
"Foundling Dreamz" I would replace...
Missed you MichelleK! and I agree...
shifting the "The" away gives the ending a kick
but then...I suspect you are a multi media
fan like I....Grahpix novella
Thank You!
Frederick Kesner
12 years 6 months ago
In the highest
ideals and goals of haiku. One breathe, one thought, one concept and emotion. Beautiful.