Bacterial haiku

Was my sore throat you?
head to toe ? Or gym bacteria
Either way twas worth it

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Experimenting with haiku. Did I get it right?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Uk south east London

Favorite Poets: Wilde, Keats, Shakespeare, Benjamin Zephaniah , Browning Elizabeth Barrett and Robert, Turkish poetry, rudyard Kipling, arctic monkey song lyrics, Pam Ayres, Donne, Beatles Simon and Garfunkel song lyrics

Comments

weirdelf

12 years 6 months ago

Not the right syllable count

traditional haiku is 5-7-5
this is
9-7-7

But I don't pay much attention to the traditional count, which doesn't translate exactly from the way Japanese is spoken anyway. Still, the point is to say as much as possible in as few words as possible, so this could use some editing.

Traditional haiku makes a philosophical point generally using one of the seasons of the year. When it is about human quirkyness it is called Senryu

Again, though, I love your style.