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Jan 08, 2013
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Oh; Beware!
Oh; Beware!
The scandalousity of the acidicly,
addictively, seductiveness;
that surrounds the basic winter of your malcontent!
Cold
cannot be defined by words
from the skies of this dimension;
yet that same and exact dimension possesses the finesse
to coerce
your breathing inside the clouds to ease
and believe in a comfort, from a language of fools!
Pitiful,
the plight
of the sorrowfully motivated people.
There can never
be any gain from a pain that prefers to leave....
yet, still !...has repeatedly been requested to stay!
Go.
You, go on, a head.
Go see if you can make a difference.
You;
you, lead the way.
Show them to their reflections, in the glass acid of their scandalousity.
For ....
...there is danger on their tongues, and acid in the limelight;
plus; the night is getting smaller to my eyes.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
weirdelf
12 years 5 months ago
keep up! You keep posting to workshops that have ended
Although I wish you had posted this while it was running. It is a grand poem in scope and belief.
Although it does suffer a little from your tendency to preach. I guess we can't ever leave behind the baggage of our pasts, eh?
docmaverick
12 years 5 months ago
I'll tell ya, elfman....
...maybe it's because I actually went to & graduated from Pacific Christian college, that sometimes my poetry sounds "preachy-ish"; however, I really don't mean to.
This was kind of a strange one, though....I admit it. I only list the workshops to help myself with the genre of the poem. Sorry 'bout it, if it's beginning to irritate you. I will cease & desist.
Thanx, I was just trying something different.
doc.
weirdelf
12 years 5 months ago
now I know why you are doing the workshop thing, no problem
But do keep an eye on current workshops as well. Some of them, especially Renga, Fixed Verse and Storytelling are designed for relaxed approaches and your own choice of commitment level.