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S
scribbler
Jan 21, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

IN WINTER'S DEEP

I inhale a deep and cold dry breath
then breathe out a cloud of fog
in a forest near as still as death
as I walk beside a frozen bog
where shadows stretch from slanting sun.

This first month of the new year
when heavy frosts greet every day
and antlers desert tired buck deer,
brings memories from far away
like painted leaves now all turned dun.

Tired legs lead me to a stump
where I sit to rest a while
and listen to my old heart thump
after hiking a mere quarter mile.
Far off I hear a lone hound run.

How many winters have I left
both behind and yet to come?
One day I'll leave these woods bereft.
I sigh, arise, my seat now numb
then head back to where I had begun.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

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More from this author

Comments

Roscoe Lane

Roscoe Lane

12 years 6 months ago

Stan,

Stan, i always feel as if i walk beside you when i read your poems, and no doubt this old heart would be thumping also. Nice poem again, Regards Roscoe...

S

scribbler

12 years 6 months ago

Roscoe

I am always glad to bring readers along with me.....................stan

J

Jenifer James

12 years 6 months ago

After talking to you in the

After talking to you in the workshop, I am observing thow you use your words, rhythms and rhymes more closely, as well as the beat of your poetry. I felt uncertain at ' as I tred beside a frozen bog' - I thought the rhythm faltered and stumbled a little. You conveyed the scene so beautifully. I love 'antlers desert tired buck deer'.

S

scribbler

12 years 6 months ago

Hi Jen

I hope I am getting better with practice. I'll keep an extra sharp eye on the bog line when I inevitably do an edit on this..................stan

Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

12 years 6 months ago

I sit and feel the cold,

I sit and feel the cold,
see the breath unfold in rhythms across the wilds,
this one I love, I shall be back stan, Love Ann.

S

scribbler

12 years 6 months ago

Hello

I will be pleased to have you sit beside me again on the old stump lol...............stan

lovedly

lovedly

5 years 10 months ago

2013

now 2019
are you still with neo ma'am

Seren

Seren

12 years 6 months ago

Dear Stan

I wish I could feel some cool right now its so hot here I have been having trouble with a rhyming poem and I think you may have given me an idea to finish it off thank you

I also had a problem with "as I tred beside a frozen bog"

as I walked beside a frozen bog
or
as I traveled beside a frozen bog

just some ideas I am throwing out there loved the rest of the poem :))

love Jayne-Chloe xxx

S

scribbler

12 years 6 months ago

Hi Jayne

It was so cold out there that I looked forward to breaking wind to feel a bit of warm air lol. I have been watching the news about how hot it is down your way. I don't hardly see how ya'll can stand it. It would appear that I got bogged down with that one line so I'll scratch my head over it a bit........................stan

S

scribbler

12 years 6 months ago

Hi J

Still playing with other alternatives lol. walk...shamble...trek...stumble...traipse (might imply too fast of a gait).......................stan

Seren

Seren

12 years 6 months ago

hmmm its the sort of write it

hmmm its the sort of write it needs the right word, any or all of them would probably work but for me tred just hung up the rhythm ...

just had another read its a really lovely ramble

Jayne-Chloe xxx

S

scribbler

12 years 6 months ago

Hi Jayne

Yes, sometimes changing a single word in a poem can really make a difference. That's why a lot of my older stuff pops up now and then. I'm always reviewing my old stuff and fresh eyes often see a better word or two to use. I appreciate your eagle eye and pointing out a word out of place...............stan

lovedly

lovedly

5 years 10 months ago

I always walk besides you--- love to be in your shadow-some will

follow and ask who is that silly fellow

i LOVE to laafff at myself
and
wish I could give importance bereft

trees are always silent
they love the breeze only
and who says they will miss each
you and or me

Nice stan
let's continue the walk
others may come and go
but none will me ever follow

''One day I'l l(they'll) leave (these woods)me/us bereft.
I sigh, arise, my seat now numb
mine also

This is the only walk
I have ever enjoyed
with a fellow poet lke Stan
our poetic man

S

scribbler

5 years 10 months ago

Hi loved

Thank you for walking with me on this stroll. Perhaps you can hint at what immersed you in this scribble?