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F
Frenchf
Jan 25, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Hot or cold?

Do I prefer being hot or cold
The former i guess, if I were old
Fans whirring
ice slurping
stone as cold as can be

Cold floors to lie on
Swimming pools to dive in
The cold cold sea

Cotton dresses,
Sun glasses
Sweat trickling free

Water fights
Sound nice
When you're as hot as can be

Forty f.cking five degrees.
Or minus 2 and freeze freeze freeze

There is an advantage to being cold
Snuggle together and start being bold
However my throat has never recovered
From 2nd Jan when it was deflowered

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Stimulated by JC s comment on babies dying from heat

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Uk south east London

Favorite Poets: Wilde, Keats, Shakespeare, Benjamin Zephaniah , Browning Elizabeth Barrett and Robert, Turkish poetry, rudyard Kipling, arctic monkey song lyrics, Pam Ayres, Donne, Beatles Simon and Garfunkel song lyrics

More from this author

Comments

Seren

Seren

12 years 5 months ago

Cold I am getting old

I liked your poem
though after the summer we are having
I dont think I could handle this heat every year

its debilitating luckly we are having some rain
so its humid but its not as hot as its been

sorry to ramble on the heat I am just sick of it LOL !!

Jayne-Chloe xxx

loved

loved

12 years 5 months ago

blow hot blow cold

ur ung not so old
deflowered recently ...
why to the whole wild have you told ???
maintain secrecy
gals remain virgins
till sixty

loved

loved

12 years 5 months ago

glad

for you
else many will misunderstand
what you want to convey

weirdelf

weirdelf

12 years 5 months ago

my my but you have a lovely way with words

but please don't be coy. This is an adult site, don't say f.cking, say fucking. You know you can and it is more real and satisfying. And 'From 2nd Jan when it was deflowered' say it 'From second Jan when it was deflowered', maybe even say it in full, to add weight
From the second of January
when it was deflowered

Am I nitpicking? Yes, certainly, there's nothing else to do with this insouciant poem with a strong ending. The small changes would make a big difference.

F

Frenchf

12 years 5 months ago

Thank you sweetness

But my mum taught me never to swear even though you are right sometimes I wish to say it in full xx