scribbler

Feb 23, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

FLASH OF DAYS

I have seen the stoney fields
grow into forests of dark pines
then cut clear for lumber's yields
becoming tangled brush and vines.
This is something I have seen.

I've watched as two lanes became four
and box stores sprang like spring mushrooms
as country quiet turned into roars
of cars rushing toward their dooms.
I've watched asphalt supplant the green.

And lakes have flooded ancient lands
drowning bottoms, farms and towns
engulfing soft and hardwood stands
water far above their crowns
where hawks and owls used to preen.

I've watched a young man become old
in mirrored morning shutter snaps
and felt that hint of coming cold
which lies beyond the realm of maps
within the world of might have been.

Now, though, I've come to be the age
I'll see no more sprouts become trees.
Where went the time? I shout with rage,
alas, it's passed like furtive breeze.
Too many are the years I've seen.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

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Comments

Frenchf

12 years 5 months ago

Sad the passage of time

Tempos fugit
Stop the world I want to get off
Time and tied wait for no man
AND THIS POEM
loverly

weirdelf

12 years 4 months ago

You get better and better.

This combines your love of nature with true human meaning, bravo.

Don't get the title. I think it could be better.

scribbler

12 years 4 months ago

Hi Jess

Thank you. As to the title, it refers to how time goes by in flashes just like flash cards. I had thought of titling it Flashes of time or times flash card or some such but I prefer my titles short. But I'll give it some thought on edit. Appreciate your taking time to visit.............stan

scribbler

12 years 4 months ago

Hi Beau

You can see above about the title. Since 2 people have said about the same thing I might wind up doing something I've only done once or twice an change the title (at least a little). i seldom change a title because doing so could be misconstrued as an attempt to trick readers into reading the same poem twice. I had hesitated with the mirrored morning line. Thought it might have Too much alliteration. I'm pleased you liked this and thanks for coming by..................stan

scribbler

12 years 4 months ago

Hi French

There's only one way to get off time's train and I'm not ready for that yet lol. Glad you dropped by............stan

wesley snow

10 years 4 months ago

Just for fun.

I would have to check the rhyme scheme, but if you had made the last line of each stanza the same line (e.g. This is something I have seen.), you would pretty much have a ballade. It even tells a story (which is required).
Welcome to the workshop moderator.

scribbler

10 years 4 months ago

Wes

A shameless ad for your upcoming shop lol. That's OK. Any time some scribble of mine can be put to Any use is fine by me...........stan BTW rhyme scheme san final lines is abab

wesley snow

10 years 4 months ago

The Ballade's rhyme scheme is harder than this.

It makes me a little nuts. You only get three rhyme sounds throughout.