Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

S
scribbler
Mar 02, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

WITHIN A YAWN

With quill in hand I fell to sleep
and drifted into a new land
where boogums,quarks and memories creep
with past and future both at hand.

I chased a snark down a worm hole
for light years to a distant world
and saw strange ruins, age untold
where helicopter bird wings twirled.

Amid the ruins beings crept
painting poems upon thin air
where it seemed the sad words wept
mourning a past no longer there.

And every time I blinked I saw
family gone beyond this realm
nevermore a breath to draw
no more thoughts beneath their helm.

I stumbled then on folded space
which sent me into a star's heart
where plasmas swirled in a slow race
like some type of modern art.

Then star collapsed into black hole
taking all the light to see
with a clap as loud as ending's toll
promptly a quazar expelled me.

For I was now pure energy
a fantastic formless photon's dash
a lightspeed skipping fantasy
hurled back in time to that great flash.

And by that flash within the void
did I see a universe's ghost?
like shadows in a polaroid
of what had been, phantom at most.

I know that I saw all time's line:
all there before me, all at once.
Each element in clear define,
a vision made upon the nonce.

That instant when the big bang rang
when time and space had just begun
I saw all answers then...then.......then dang!
I woke up with the rising sun.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

S

scribbler

12 years 4 months ago

Hi Jess

A person who thinks he has nothing to learn from another is a fool and I hope I'm not a fool. Perhaps we have learned different things from one another? To change the title would be to lose the relativistic effect of a great journey spanning all of time being , relatively speaking, completed in the span of a yawn...........stan

S

scribbler

12 years 4 months ago

Hi Jess

That's what friends do, help one another become better. Doesn't matter in what areas...............i think the single greatest thing you have made me realize about poetry is that no matter how well one conveys imagery and such it does little good unless a human element is included with which a reader might identify..........stan

S

scribbler

12 years 4 months ago

hi loved

i once had a 15 acre pasture and at that time I was often out standing in my field lol. And we can always don shit proof shirts. Appreciate your visiting..............stan

lovedly

lovedly

7 years 8 months ago

sorry saw this only now

2013 to 2017
u could have sent an sms
stan keep scribbling and keep us all alive
thinking how others could also promote
you scribbler and others too
do include me no more poetry
it's mostly wanky
stan

judyanne

judyanne

12 years 4 months ago

i like the use of yawn in the title

as well as the usual use for us tired folk, it also has the meaning of 'an opening; open space; chasm'

lol - mm here - it is out in a lot of places to my ear, i did stumble a lot and imo it ruins the effect of what you are depicting.... just me as you know :)

i really like this poem stan, good word usage giving great descriptive, i especially like
'a fantastic formless photon's dash'

enjoyed, and i like the ending
love judy
xxx

S

scribbler

12 years 4 months ago

hi Judy

I'm pleased you liked this. I am aware of some stumbles and intend an edit in a few days. Thanks for coming by and I hope all is well with you...............stan

Rhiannon1010

Rhiannon1010

12 years 4 months ago

loved it.

In the beginning, I felt like it was reminiscent of Lewis Carroll.

S

scribbler

12 years 4 months ago

Hi Rhiannon

I was afraid it might seem Too much like Alice going down the rabbit hole. But it appears that I may have avoided that. As to the German? part of your comment........I don't know German hence can't reply other than to say thanks for dropping by...........................stan

S

scribbler

12 years 4 months ago

lol

Shows what I know of foriegn languages. Only non-English language I'm fluent in is Southern lol. Might I suggest you lose the double spacing in your signature?.................stan

Rhiannon1010

Rhiannon1010

12 years 4 months ago

lol

I tried to get rid of the spacing but I couldn't figure out how. I am ALSO fluent in southern, Appalachian, and French.

S

scribbler

12 years 4 months ago

Hi

I fibbed. I used to be semi-fluent in Latin, but that was years ago . Did you accidentally hit "advanced formatting"? that can result in double spacing..............stan

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 4 months ago

Stan

Loved this piece, you will have to stay off the cheese,
your dreams are becoming wild,
though they kept yours and my attention lol.
Good write there youngin, Yours as always, Ian.T

S

scribbler

12 years 4 months ago

Hi Ian

Susan also wishes I'd not cut the cheese lol. Appreciate you dragging your old bones by for a visit ..........stan

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 4 months ago

Stan

Edited out,
Yours Ian.T

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 4 months ago

Jess

Edited out
Communication between friends and fellows is always useful, and is supportive in their daily ways, I.T.Howard © 2013

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 4 months ago

Jess

Get a grip:-
Where cholesterol comes from..
Most of our cholesterol is made by the liver, but we get some from our diet as well.
Eating too much saturated fat increases cholesterol levels.
This is why it is best to limit the amount of foods we eat that are high in saturated fats such as butter, ghee, hard margarines, lard, fatty meat, dairy fats and any foods made from these. (Such as cheese.)

These are the lower saturated fat Items:-
We also get some of our cholesterol from animal foods such as eggs, liver and kidneys, and seafood such as prawns – most of us don’t need to limit these because they are low in saturated fat. Plant foods (cereals, fruit, vegetables, pulses, nuts and seeds) do not contain cholesterol.
Have a read about cholesterol and its effect on the body, You can though eat shit it does not contain saturated fats, Yours Ian.T

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 4 months ago

Stan

Am sorry that Jess and I are using up your space a bit..Yours Ian.T

Rhiannon1010

Rhiannon1010

12 years 4 months ago

-.- please.

-.- please.

Stan- I was reminded by Carroll's the hunting of the snark.

.

S

scribbler

12 years 4 months ago

Hi Rhi

Who would have though his snark would be used by the scientific community ? lol. The hobbits of Tolkien have been used to name an extinct race of small pacific islanders also...............stan