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Mar 04, 2013
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life sentence
estranged from perfect love
by the tools for manifest existence
forgetting there will be
the moment of return
to when
time stands still
where is regained
the spirit brain
that filters less
.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
brittle light
12 years 4 months ago
I don't know if I am reticent
I don't know if I am reticent to comment on this because that is my typical way, or that I don't share the same metaphysical ideas as you reflect in this poem, or maybe because you are always so supportive of my work....
,,,but this isn't your poetic best, slightly clunky in execution. That is not bothersome to me, you excell so often. I wanted to be effusive in praise in my first comment in eons, but my little critque can't hurt a mentally tough cookie like you.
there, I said it!
you are one of neopoet's finest, and a lovely neopoet friend
with respect and admiration
Esker
12 years 4 months ago
in a calm evocative vibe...........
perhaps the day..Cleaned the house and tidied the archives
soothing myself with walk with the dogs and then music..
creative fascinating music that forces me from the comfort
zone.....waiting for familiarity to jive me is not what makes the
Alive in me...
This has a whole new dimension for me Judy
a strong and subtle break in thoughts and
ideas that are not the worn rut of pop work
Im very dazzled with this............people travel and take
the bus pampered tottle along routes....when I travel
I take the alleyways and neath the bridges and see
the hard won hearts that brochures turn away from
I am unafraid of my decaying ego or self and the
more older I get the more I venture further to the
edge of the knowns.......This indeed is not an
ordinary poem and its wonderful for me...My very
own personal taste to savour these words in
this moment......I will return in a few days to pick
a favourite line...but for now I loved the whole
feel of it......Thank You!!
Rula
12 years 4 months ago
Hello dear judy
reading this few times, I could get something from the first few lines until I came to stanza three. May be it is only me or perhaps some punctuation would help to
to do the clarification
scribbler
12 years 4 months ago
Hi Judy
Reckon we all long for that prior place where all is perceived. .............stan
judyanne
10 years 7 months ago
thank you everybody
for your fine comments
especially to you Al, for the honesty - i love that...
so glad this struck a chord with you Steve
Rula - the punctuation is within the verse and stanza setup (i hope)
thanks for 'getting' it Stan
love judy
xxx