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Mar 20, 2013
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...........................fete......................................
underneath the quiet hiss
a velvet murmer
kiss
violet persona
lands crystal perfection
melting like a tear
pure flake
a jewel ball
to delve
a place of haunt
to dwell
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Amergin
12 years 4 months ago
fete
Although the voice of the poem is delicate and precise I am still lft wondering what is the theme of the poem.
I understand this is a work in progress so might I suggest that you keep what you have so far whch is quite melodic but flesh out its meaning- even a hint wold help else your poem is like a string of pretty beads and that is all. I really an sorry but I have tried. Fete to me is some kind of feast but that doesn't help. Do not worry it is perhaps more than likely me that is at fault.
Esker
12 years 4 months ago
Amergin
Thank You for the crit.. sometimes ideas...thoughts ...poems are pretty beads.
like walking in the mall and a pretty girl catchs an eye for a second...
an overheard random conversation that is interesting passed by..
In the walks a bird arcing overhead speaking its language
its great black oiled wings making a hush in its rush
Fete is a celebration sometimes accompanied with a feast
Its a joyous celebration with the sense and appetite
If this left you hungry for more meaning then perhaps this
is not truly a Fete..but a Feh!
thank You..