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Why should I?
For what reason should I put my mouth
Through the contortions you wish me to?
What benefit do I gain from all that wasted energy?
Why should I move my hands the way you want me to
What pleasure do I gain from all that in out manipulation?
I have jobs to do which make my environment clean as new
I have to write poems , earn my living for the next ten years
dance , sing and exercise so I can leave you
speak many languages, comment on current affairs
wash away the dirt off the day ,the heat of the night and morning dew
I must live, and you with your sexual obsessions
Is interfering with what I do
hence I stand ready to rid myself of the one who
Is the interference with progress
An interference that you
brought without recompense.
When you are gone I will not rue
Your departure.
I will start anew
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Thoughts on relationships
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
loved
12 years 3 months ago
i like this rant
many men won't grant
but may I advise
that poetry pays no pies
ten years is a long way off
by then I may be off
and you naught..
so to warn you
in advance
Loved friendlily thought
Seren
12 years 3 months ago
Heya French
I really liked this one it needs a little work with the line breaks
For what reason should I put my mouth
Through the contortions you wish me to?
What benefit do I gain from all that wasted energy?
Why should I move my hands the way you want me to
What pleasure do I gain from all that in out manipulation?
this first bit really has a good rhythm but you lose clarity with the line breaks in the following lines
hugs JC xxx
Rula
12 years 3 months ago
Hi Fee
I've been once told that the too many questions spoil the writing. Therefore, I would have done it all in an affarmative form instead, perhaps something like :
I won't put my mouth
Through the contortions
you wish me to as
I'll gain nothing from all that.
I won't move my hands the way
you want me to
for I gain no pleasure
I have jobs to do to my environmen
to clean as new
I have to write poems ,
and earn my living for the next ten years
I would dance , sing and exercise
so I can leave you
I want to speak many languages,
I want to comment on current affairs
I want to wash away the dirt off the day
and the heat of the night and morning dew
I must live,
and you with your sexual obsessions
Is interfering with what I do
hence I stand ready to rid myself of the one who
is the interference with progress
An interference that you
brought without recompense.
My favorite lines
I want to wash away the dirt off the day
and the heat of the night and morning dew
and I really loved the way you ended this though the whole theme is non of my attitudes.
Please discard all if you don't find it of use . It is only an opinion and each should have his/her own style.
Frenchf
12 years 3 months ago
Thank you all
Ill work on it at some point