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Josephus
Josephus
Apr 05, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Electric Bordeaux Acid Test

The stemmed glass slowly rotates
Held up to the sun
Its contents swirl in easy motion

Carmines plum and ruby
Subtle rainbows tease
My imagination already
Tantalized by too much wine.

How many times
Have momentous thoughts
Random as these
As blurred of focus
Been so confidently
Brought to life

While looking through a
Glass of half gone
Bordeaux

Too many
I'll wager
Too many

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Canada, CAN

Favorite Poets: The next one I read. I thoroughly enjoy reading the works of amateur poets. Neruda is my hero but absolutely no one has a better way with words than Shakespeare.

More from this author

Comments

Seren

Seren

12 years 3 months ago

Josephus

Hi I noticed your a new member to Neopoet, so welcome, I really liked this one
it has a sense of intimacy, sitting there watching the rainbows that flash off the glass, as I said I really liked this I look forward to reading more from you

If you ever need a hand dont hesitate to ask

sincerely Jayne-Chloe

Josephus

Josephus

12 years 3 months ago

Thank you Jane-Chloe. I'm

Thank you Jane-Chloe. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem. I am new to this site but I am looking forward to both posting and receiving critiques from the folks here. Thanks for your offer to help. Much appreciated.Once again thanks for your interest in my work. I look forward to reading yours.
With my best regards,
Joe

godshouldnthave

godshouldnthave

12 years 3 months ago

Oh the Rich Chalky Terroir

How many times?

Not enough
I'll wager
Not enough

:)

This poem feels like my buzzing subconscious wrote it and expressed it to me within a momentary thought. Then I dismissed it as a fleeting smirk. Yet here many years later you have surprisingly returned it to me with grace as your own thought. It was never mine after all. That is to say....your poem has a comfortable home in my dome. Mi casa es su casa. Welcome to the classroom.

The title made me tingle on the back of my neck, thus earning myself the full read. This logic is full of honesty.

I would perhaps change the shape a bit...as the right side seems a bit jagged and a few moments of the poem could use a little space for us to pause and reflect.

The stemmed glass slowly rotates
Held up to the sun
Its contents swirl in easy motion
Carmines plum and ruby (allows us to sink our teeth into ruby)

Subtle rainbows tease (bringing tease up actually teases the brain as it relates to the next line)
My imagination already
Tantalized by too much wine.

How many times
Have momentous thoughts
Random as these
As blurred of focus
Been so confidently
Brought to life
While looking through a
Glass of half gone (I am always a pessimist about wine too)
Bordeaux

Too many
I'll wager
Too many

Just some suggestive cheese to go with your wine. Great write and I hope you get plenty of readers before this one turns to vinegar.

_Danny

Josephus

Josephus

12 years 3 months ago

Danny, thanks. I like your

Danny, thanks. I like your recommendations and will incorporate them into the poem shortly.
Thanks again for the help in this.

Joe

Blue_Halcyon

Blue_Halcyon

12 years 3 months ago

Excellent work!

It's not often a poem snags my attention long enough for me finish it. Your words managed to lure me in and keep my attention to the end. It's one of those poems that you have to read multiple times to savor the thought being pondered. Keep up the good work!