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Josephus
Josephus
Apr 12, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I Would Kiss You

I would kiss you as stars touch light to light
as waves share a soft drench night
as snows touch pine boughs
as night winds touch long grass
as twilight sounds touch a whisper
as you touch me.... fleetingly
as my lips touch yours in shadows

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Canada, CAN

Favorite Poets: The next one I read. I thoroughly enjoy reading the works of amateur poets. Neruda is my hero but absolutely no one has a better way with words than Shakespeare.

More from this author

Comments

Seren

Seren

12 years 3 months ago

Dear Joe

Sigh this is just beautiful I cannot find fault, I rarely use much repetition of words in my poems as sometimes they seem to stunt the poem but you have pulled it off, in my opinion, with style

Bravo

sincerely JC x

Josephus

Josephus

12 years 3 months ago

Thank you Loved

I'm very pleased to know that my simple words inspire anyone!

Thanks again,

Joe

Ross Hamilton Hill

Ross Hamilton Hill

12 years 3 months ago

nice touch!!

beautifully lyrical, I wouldn't change a word
BUT
for future reference

I would kiss you as stars touch light to light
as waves share a soft drench night
as snows (touch) pine boughs--hold onto
as night winds (touch) long grass- winnow
as twilight sounds (touch) a whisper- become
as you touch me.... fleetingly
as my lips (touch) yours in shadows- tremble

the trouble being that on the page the repetition of touch becomes predictable and visually too much seen, recited it would work perfectly because they are very different mediums, and this to me seems a poem ideally suited for live performance
also be wary of words like whisper, shadows, fleetingly, they are used so often in poetry.
but still its very beautiful, a joy really.

loved

loved

12 years 3 months ago

I didn't have the balls ...to touch

the so many touches
you touch
but am I glad the master assures
the obviousity of all
the touch of a poet's heart
in poetry comment is an art
and of loved a part

touch me not
as I wouldn't do, touch a word
of poetry off you
your touch is naturally touchy
and wonderful too