weirdelf

Apr 13, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Idle

While idly speculating why
I gave a little sigh
the chances to descry
are slim
My mind formed a fist
gave reality a twist
(it developed an alarming list)
and sank
I sit here quite complacent
a cold beer is adjacent
an idea forming nascent
I dismiss
These words have little meaning
perhaps I am just screening
the possibility demeaning
I have nothing more to say

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Ian.T

12 years 3 months ago

Jess

Sounds just like a car ticking over, and I hope it is on the starting grid of a Grand Prix.
Hard to equate a quality here as you seem to be playing at rest,
Yours Ian.T

Bonitaj

12 years 3 months ago

Jess!

Loved these words:
"I sit here quite complacent
a cold beer is adjacent
an idea forming nascent"
I think we've all had those moments - but you've captured them superbly in words!
Good one!

Rula

12 years 3 months ago

You're really great when rhyming (imo)

Good capture of the moment. I like it all

if I would offer a suggestion for a smoother read , it would be a little tweak in S3 Last line
to read is something like [is dismissed] instead of [I dismissed it]
but you know perhaps I am not getting your point here.

again much enjoyed.

weirdelf

12 years 3 months ago

thanks rula,

notice that each line after three rhymes is supposed to be jarring in this but thank you for the suggestion, they're always welcome.

Rula

12 years 3 months ago

I know what you mean

I have noticed this of course
What I mean is how the last line in each stanza would read

S1 last line ......are slim
S2 last line .....and sank

so S3 would read .......is dismissed

But it's ok..I thought I would clarify my point.

weirdelf

12 years 3 months ago

and on second thoughts

I take your point and made a change.

weirdelf

12 years 3 months ago

double post

weirdelf

12 years 3 months ago

Thanks all

this was fun

Josephus

12 years 3 months ago

Freely associating and

Freely associating and writing the product just for the hell of it is fun and linbers the mind towards more structured thought. Sort of intellectual stretching exercises before a mind marathon!

I enjoyed watching the exercise. You've reminded that I have yet to do mine today, physically.

Joe