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Apr 22, 2013
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AWAKE
nocturnal daydreams
slumber of elder babies
rescued briefly
battered, beaten, broken ones
inhale deep
relief fading
abrasive, harsh transmission waves
lapping over sacred grounds
soothed lullabies jolted
scorching light consumes
inevitable reality
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Esker
12 years 3 months ago
Enjoy the flow of this
words like a midnight trolley
full of sparks
and anonymous rush
the trundle of it
on its tracks of steel
"abrasive harsh transmission waves"
my fave line..my love of wavelengths
and theories
connections and inter realities
Thank You!
weirdelf
12 years 2 months ago
I couldn't help reading Esker's comment
I usually don't read other's before I respond myself.
And his comment is spot on. Though I didn't like the flow. It reads like a list of thoughts more than a coherent piece. That's ok, especially contextually. Just a few connective words would, in my opinion, make it flow better. Please feel free to ignore me.
This is an exciting and effective poem.