brittle light

Nov 02, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Simplicity

sweet simplicity
thee, I seek!
holy grail of aspiration
tool of both the wise man,
and the fool

simplicity

space

uncluttered

sparseness begetting clarity
clarity begetting light
light begetting understanding
bearing wisdom's grand delight

oh! sweet simplicity
of thee I sing
and hope, through thee,
to soar high upon enlightened wings

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

About the Author

Region, Country: upstate New York USA, USA

Comments

judyanne

14 years 8 months ago

this is remniscent of the old greats brittle

and it's not just the use of the word 'thee', but that adds to it
i really like it, it has a song-like sound, rolls off the tongue smoothly and with a feeling of (can i say it?) simplicity.
i'm just not sure about the last line, it somehow seems trite (sorry).
i haven't any suggestions, so it makes me sound trite right (smile)
really love it.
judy
xxxx

ps - just a thought -
maybe something like
to soar and find the simple things????
lol

judyanne

14 years 8 months ago

another ps

just a typo....begeting - (begetting)
love judy
xxxx

judyanne

14 years 8 months ago

or better still

to soar, and find the elementary things ????
xxx

brittle light

14 years 8 months ago

hi judy

thanks for stopping by, and for the compliments and suggestions

I'm never comfortable using the word "Heaven".
don't know why I disregarded my own caveat.
I'm not sure I like the solution either (the word "enlightened") but I'll live with that until......

wish spell check was still available in the plain text editor...I'm so lazy about looking up every other word

thanks again

brittle light

14 years 8 months ago

hi, Rosina

nice to be back..and I thank you so much for sharing your responses

I appreciate them very much

mand

14 years 8 months ago

You have written words of

You have written words of wisdom

sparseness begeting clarity
clarity begeting light
light begeting understanding
bearing wisdom's grand delight.

If the world were to put this "simple" principle into practise the world would be a better place.

There is a purity and clarity about this poem - refreshing to read and a reminder that to enjoy life it doesn't need to be complicated.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

brittle light

14 years 8 months ago

hello Mand

thank you. Who needs compelxity and complication? that makes everything even harder than it already is!

soon again hopefully

Race_9togo

14 years 8 months ago

Brittle,

This is an excellent piece. The flow is wonderful, the imagery evocative.

Suggestions:

1st stanza, last line, "and foolish" instead of "and the fool"?

Last line, "to soar on heaven's boundless wings" instead of "to soar on heaven bound wings"?

Or, you could hyphenate "heaven bound", that would work too.

Can't nominate, so I bookmarked it.

brittle light

14 years 8 months ago

Hey, jim

I appreciate your insightful comments and ideas.
In order to keep the word "fool" , I chose the expand "wise" to "the wise man"
needed for the comparison. It DID need some kind of correction.
thanks for pointing it out....still working on the last line!

judyanne

14 years 8 months ago

if you don't like enlightenment, then

bodhi wings?
xxxx