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Jun 17, 2013
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My Wish For You
My Wish For You
Since you're so hell bent
On finding someone new
Is that you find her
Your perfect woman
The ghost that haunts our relationship
The bitch hanging over my head
My Wish For You
Is that she is all you ever dreamed of
That she performs to your satisfaction
May she meet all your ridiculous requirements
Perhaps you should make her fill out an application
My Wish For You
Is that every time you screw her
You see my face
Wouldn't want you to forget
Your biggest mistake
My Wish For You
Is that she is worth all you're losing
Then again, you're ashamed of us
So who gives a shit
My Wish For You
Is that you find happiness
And then she takes it away
May she use you
For her own personal gain
Don't forget to tell her
You love her
After the second date
Maybe her legs
Will swing open like a gate
My final wish
Is that Karma
Kicks your miserable ass
May she make you feel
As worthless and stupid
As I do while writing this
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
lonlyhrtsclub13
12 years 4 months ago
Thank you Eph
I just made some edits to it, feel free to give it another look. I polished things up a bit. I will go back and look at the typos. Spell check doesn't work on this thing, LOL. I tend to get careless especially when writing something emotionally charged. Glad you enjoyed!!!
eightmenout
12 years 4 months ago
I am glad that you are
"putting it out there". Another strong write filled with emotion. I hope it is as therapeutic as it reads.
Scott
lonlyhrtsclub13
12 years 4 months ago
therapeutic
Yes..it is. Doesn't change my status but it is nice to vent. Glad u liked
wesley snow
12 years 4 months ago
Don't sweat the spell check...
until after the write.
Spill it onto the page (I write first draft with a nib pen and a bottle).
Then go back and tear it apart.
A suggestion. Only a suggestion. Change your designation from "moderate criticism" to "tear me a new one on a regular basis". If you have the guts to write gut wrenching stuff like this one, you have the nerve to take anything this band of poets can dish out.
I myself will harm you far more than they can and I don't believe I can do more than draw a little blood.
Ask for the hurt. You are wicked tough. Do not fear the written word.
This is really mean, but better organized than some of the others.
I liked it.
Okay, no I didn't like it... it's really mean, but it's really quite good.
lonlyhrtsclub13
12 years 4 months ago
I was
Quite angry when I wrote this. I despise being cheated on in any form or fashion especially with nasty cyber women. I will change my critique option and look forward to you tearing me a new one. I would expect nothing less.
lonlyhrtsclub13
12 years 4 months ago
This was
My way of telling the person everything I didn't want to say to their face because as you said, it is quite mean and I know how I am and I know how my temper is, so I chose to write it out and leave it at that.