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lou
lou

Acrid

Incessant flow of acrid torment,
gouging a trench into an effulgent pebble.
Dull throbbing that never ceases.

Torrent of hell holding me down,
as I gasp and fight for air ,
and struggle to throw the darkness out.

Chinks of light expand,
seeping across my mind.
The nightmare receding.

Escape from a living hell,
I’m human again.
For now.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: .

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: [This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

14 years 11 months ago

Acrid...

A picture of torment and hellish chains. I wonder that some people can go on. You have painted a picture of
a person that suffers and yet sees the light at the end of the tunnel and crawls toward it on their hands and knees. i like the poem, yet do not like the horror that it describes. I feel very bad for anyone that has to deal with it on a regular basis. Very descriptive and the word usage superb. ~ Love ya, ~ Gee

lou

lou

14 years 11 months ago

Hi Gee

Thank you, the poem is not about anyone in particular thankfully , it was just an exercise in imagination.

Much love Lou xx

judyanne

judyanne

14 years 11 months ago

powerful use of words lou

i really like this descriptive.

just one thing
'Dull throbbing that never goes away'
- i think another word or phrase for 'never goes away' is needed for poetic flavour
some suggestions
'never ceases..... never subsides.... . will not desist....

well written lou - i enjoyed it (if that's the correct sentiment)
insight into nightmare - awake or asleep.....
love judy
xxxx

lou

lou

14 years 11 months ago

Thanks

Thanks Judy , I'll change that bit .

Love lou xx

lou

lou

14 years 11 months ago

Shirley

Your a great support

Love Lou

lou

lou

14 years 11 months ago

Xena

Thank you so much

lou

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 11 months ago

Lou

excellently executed (not easy to say three times fast after a couple of Jack Daniels).

This is especially well written since you just wrote it as an exercise. I find it hard to write about something I haven't experienced, so very well done.

HS

lou

lou

14 years 11 months ago

HS

Thank you , (nothing is easy to say after a few Jack Daniels, I usually mispronounce my own name lmao)

Lou