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Nov 02, 2010
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Acrid
Incessant flow of acrid torment,
gouging a trench into an effulgent pebble.
Dull throbbing that never ceases.
Torrent of hell holding me down,
as I gasp and fight for air ,
and struggle to throw the darkness out.
Chinks of light expand,
seeping across my mind.
The nightmare receding.
Escape from a living hell,
I’m human again.
For now.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: .
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction: [This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Comments
Geezer
14 years 8 months ago
Acrid...
A picture of torment and hellish chains. I wonder that some people can go on. You have painted a picture of
a person that suffers and yet sees the light at the end of the tunnel and crawls toward it on their hands and knees. i like the poem, yet do not like the horror that it describes. I feel very bad for anyone that has to deal with it on a regular basis. Very descriptive and the word usage superb. ~ Love ya, ~ Gee
lou
14 years 8 months ago
Hi Gee
Thank you, the poem is not about anyone in particular thankfully , it was just an exercise in imagination.
Much love Lou xx
judyanne
14 years 8 months ago
powerful use of words lou
i really like this descriptive.
just one thing
'Dull throbbing that never goes away'
- i think another word or phrase for 'never goes away' is needed for poetic flavour
some suggestions
'never ceases..... never subsides.... . will not desist....
well written lou - i enjoyed it (if that's the correct sentiment)
insight into nightmare - awake or asleep.....
love judy
xxxx
lou
14 years 8 months ago
Thanks
Thanks Judy , I'll change that bit .
Love lou xx
lou
14 years 8 months ago
Shirley
Your a great support
Love Lou
lou
14 years 8 months ago
Xena
Thank you so much
lou
Hooded Stranger
14 years 8 months ago
Lou
excellently executed (not easy to say three times fast after a couple of Jack Daniels).
This is especially well written since you just wrote it as an exercise. I find it hard to write about something I haven't experienced, so very well done.
HS
lou
14 years 8 months ago
HS
Thank you , (nothing is easy to say after a few Jack Daniels, I usually mispronounce my own name lmao)
Lou