Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Rula
Rula
Jun 23, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the workshop:

THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY (poetically speaking) Beginning

(Read More...)

Make it Brief ( final re-write of relativity workshop)

He portrays,
demonstrates,
and illustrates,
in mother nature
what you need
to naturally
imitate,

then you live
in love
and peace.

God

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

12 years ago

thank you Mark

I've changed the pronoun from "I" to "you" , do you feel more invited then?

Rula

Rula

12 years ago

Mark

I have in mind a lot of images such as the water running in the wild for all, the first crow who taught Cain to bury his brother, the birds who teach their youngesters to fly and to hunt or find their food...etc.But I believe they aren't needed here as the message could stand without these details.

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years ago

Rula

Talking to the other person is fine though at the end it would sound better to be "With God" as aposed to just God.
An extract from your thoughts, yours Ian.T

Rula

Rula

12 years ago

so relatively

speaking, we can never immerse every reader in every piece written whatever changes done, can we?

Adding "with" next to "God" changes my meaning intended.

S

scribbler

12 years ago

Hi Rula

A definate improvement on the original. Had you thought of using "we" instead of "you"? By including yourself it might not sound so much like a sermon. But it Is your poem lol. ....................stan