Ragnarök

I sit atop the Frozen Throne
The Light of the World grows dim.
As foretold on the primeval stone
The dark crept in, with barely a whim.

The frosted air dances at my feet
My ambitions burn
welding me to the Throne
The Earth murmurs
crumbling as I stare at the unending night

I hear the World's last beat
The skies churn
breathing a thunderous moan
Souls tremor
searing in brimstone, no end in sight

The future has been sown
I break the Seal, releasing the Grim
My grip tightens on what I now own
I watch the colour and light circle the brim

I am the Damned
Rule the Damned
The reaped reverberate

The eternal Void of The Frozen Throne.

MML NGJ 2013/06/25

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Cape, South Africa, ZAF

Comments

lonlyhrtsclub13

12 years 3 months ago

I Really Like This

Hello DarkOne,

I really like this. I love the fantasy aspect of your writing, the mystery. There is a deeper message though in your words. Very good.

TheDarkOne

12 years 1 month ago

Thanks :-)

wesley snow

12 years 3 months ago

I am a sucker for fantasy as well.

This is the first I have seen of you. Obviously I don't get around enough.
I like the language and, of course, the subject.
I would like to see a more consistent meter to keep me pulled along, but that's my preference. Too much of the latter sections turn to prose in my mind.
However, I can't fault the feel in the work.
I will look in some others and see if their nature changes or if this is your aspect.
A strong poem that deserves revisiting.

TheDarkOne

12 years 1 month ago

Growth

I'm glad. I'm still re-finding my writing feet. Feedback will go a long way.