Rula

Jul 24, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Lost memories

I sincerely want
to remember you,

but every time I try,
I get only void,

then all my memories
are left
frameless.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Ian.T

11 years 12 months ago

Rula

A message of few words,

That you want to remember someone
But they are hidden by emptiness
This can affect all memories
If the others are judged by this one.

I say:-
Remember all that cross your path,
as they all carry a message from your maker.
The lessons to be learned cannot be learned alone.
Though they are for you only
How can you measure the value of things if you walk alone.
Yours Ian.T
A good write in so few words well done..

Rula

11 years 12 months ago

Ian

You're absolutely right. Remembering what others teach you is the best way to remember them. Then they'll be always well remembered . Thanks for the enlightenment.

lonlyhrtsclub13

11 years 12 months ago

rula

A simple and elegant write...good job

Rula

11 years 12 months ago

Carrie

Thanks for dropping by and your kind words. Any suggestion for a better title would be appreciated.

lonlyhrtsclub13

11 years 12 months ago

If you are looking

for interesting titles, you can use an online thesauras and for example, type in the word "memory." Synonyms will come up and perhaps one will strike you as an appropriate title. I use it all the time. Instead of using the word "visitor" for my one poem, I found "Visitant." Just a suggestion....

Rula

11 years 12 months ago

I use them too

I wanted something like lost and found "futile" but didn't think it well fits with memory, does it?

lonlyhrtsclub13

11 years 12 months ago

I dont like

futile, your poem is elegant and simple, the title should be as well :)

Rula

11 years 12 months ago

I think

I shall keep it simple too! Thanks for the thoughts.

lonlyhrtsclub13

11 years 12 months ago

:)

weirdelf

11 years 12 months ago

frameless pictures

jumbled, lost, unsorted, un-displayed,
what a beautiful, powerful expression!

I love concise effective, affective poetry like this.

Not sure about the title. This poem is anything but sappy.
How about "Entropy"?

Rula

11 years 12 months ago

Hello jess

I like the word "Entropy" , a new one for me, yet it doesn't describe my memories
the way I want it. I admit I wasn't happy with sappy either that's why I would appreciate any alternative or I would however use one of the words you've used in your comment; "lost" or "unsorted" as they well fit there.

Appreciate the suggestion and the thoughts. Thank you.

wesley snow

11 years 12 months ago

After reading the work...

... in your collection (which I now have time to play with, by the way) this is beyond minimalist. It isn't my cup of tea, but I agree with Jess that it is succinct. Is it someone specific or fiction?