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Aug 05, 2013
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Reedswood Road
street like a circumpunct
a concrete toybox
with a hatchback heartbeat
brick-orgies of houses loom over
the lawns shaved with diamonds
the rituals
the microcosm
conjoined houses breeding
dull children
with photograph senses
with monotonous syndrome
with weak bodies and clean teeth
the clocks are lazy here
II
last month I was rewarded by dead badger
head draped over curb
like a masterpiece
by noon he’d been cleaned away
to a tupperware tomb
maybe next year It’ll be the neighbours
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Trying to convey the monotonous and soulless aspects of suburban life.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
loved
12 years 2 months ago
went all over my
head
even though i have read
but am not yet dead
dwarfed mind instead