scribbler

Aug 19, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

PUDDLE SPLASHER

Let the warm rain fall on me
and wash the grime of time away
while bringing back the memory
of childhood days and running free.

Of splasing through a small freshet
on a warm wet summer day,
no part of me that wasn't wet,
I'd laugh and skip without regret.

Or sail boats in a roadside ditch
the waters red from southern clay
with smell of new rain fresh and rich
while watching home made toy boat pitch.

I remember running through wet clover
as rain would fall and tree tops sway
small bare feet flitting like a plover
until the short shower was over.

But that was then and this is now
the rain still wet, the sky still gray
I now hunch shoulders, almost bow
and hope that I'll stay dry somehow.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Geezer

11 years 11 months ago

A great...

experiment with a hard to stick-with rhyming scheme. As usual, I loved the down-home flavor that you always manage to impart, along with the frailties of old men! LOL I relate to this one very well. I too, run, [well, hurry] to keep from getting wet. Used to be, my dad didn't think I had the brains to come in out of the rain, but my mother knew that it was my Native American heritage showing. I enjoyed all the seasons with the abandon of childhood.
Now I think about what should I wear, rather than what could I shed. Thanks for the trip back to childhood! [I'm not sure I ever left it in some respects]. Thanks, ~ Gee

scribbler

11 years 11 months ago

Hello Gee

"frailties of old men".....well they say write what you know lol. In this case I wrote what I remembered And what I now know lmao. I guess we all splashed in the rain as children...........stan

Rula

11 years 11 months ago

What an enjoyable

memories you're sharing here Stan.
I very much enjoyed this read. I am sure you're coming back again
revise where some lines read a bit rough.

I always thought you're great in closing your lines, so I rush to read the ending then go back and read LOL

But that was then and this is now
the rain still wet, the sky still gray
yet I now lumber like a cow
and hope that I'll stay dry somehow.

Thanks for sharing ..

scribbler

11 years 11 months ago

Hey Rula

I guess there are many who can't wait for my poems to end lol. And yes, I'll revise as ideas for improvement rattle out of my empty skull. Thanks for dropping by.............stan

mand

11 years 11 months ago

Hi Stan

Love this one Stan! It feels different from your other poems. I could imagine a little think bubble above your head as you float off into happy memories. It has a feeling of being special and happy.

I agree with Rula's suggestion - unless I'm missing something.

This is a really good write and I enjoyed reading it.

Keep safe Mand xxxxxx

scribbler

11 years 11 months ago

greetings Mandy

I'm glad you actually think I Have thought bubbles lol. That "cow" line is niggling at me and will probably be the first thing I change. Although the word cow can refer to both male and female cattle it kinda has a feminine touch doesn't it? Thanks for taking time to visit.............stan

Ian.T

11 years 11 months ago

Stan

You still have the ability to splash those puddles and run a swathe through the wet grass in the scattered sunlights dream.
It was lovely to be there again a child that has no worries and loves everything it sees, with unconditional love.
Thank you young man it was a pleasure to splash again and I didn't see any wandering cows in my eyes of dreams,
Yours Ian.T. and I is only 3

scribbler

11 years 11 months ago

Hi Ian

We used to run through puddles to Get wet and now we do so to Avoid getting wet.......This says something about aging but I'm not sure what lol...............stan