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Sep 17, 2013
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Wesley's Trochaic Quatrain (Bottom Line Workshop)
"Iamb" is Greek for "to attack in words". "Trochee" is Greek for "running".
Both of these forms are known as "Duble Meter" as each metric foot uses but two syllables.
Here then is my Trochaic example.
Don’t you think it’s keen to write Trochaic?
Here I’ve written something for the workshop.
Nothing short of drivel, but it’s metric.
Simply done, its form is but example.
Don’t you / think it’s / keen to / write Tro- / cha-ic?
Here I’ve / writ-ten / some-thing / for the / work-shop.
No-thing / short of / dri-vel, / but it’s / me-tric.
Sim-ply / done, its / form is / but ex- / am-ple.
Please keep in mind you needn't scan your quatrain. Rula and I will gladly do so. However, if you do Rula says you get extra cookies.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 9 months ago
Here is one line so far in my attempt at Trochaic
I am already banging my head on the desk but here it is....guide me as I feel I am lost somewhere in the sea of metric...
Taste of / salt on/ naked skin/ so soft/ like silk
Let me know how horrible this is and how to fix it....
Ian.T
11 years 9 months ago
Carrie
I think this is great as a first line, and did I struggle with this one it is hard for us, that just write.
Well done young one, Yours Ian.T
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 9 months ago
Ian
Good to see you...glad you liked it and its good to be back
wesley snow
11 years 9 months ago
Check it out.
Taste of / salt on/ na-ked / skin so / soft like / silk
Close, but not quite. "Naked" is two syllables. The line is Trochaic, but with the extra syllable it is hexameter (six feet). Missing the unaccented syllable following "silk" makes it catalectic.
Adjust the line and go on. You are understanding Trochee. Now get the number of feet figured out. One of the hardest things for a poet starting with Trochee is to end the line on an unaccented syllable. Human nature wants to end it on an accent and make it sound Iambic which satisfies our "traditional" perspective of how a poem should sound.
Otherwise well done.
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 9 months ago
ok
Taste of/salt on/snow white/skin so/soft
Rula
11 years 9 months ago
Oops
I think one unaccented syllable is missing at the end
or am I still sleeping?
wesley snow
11 years 9 months ago
Got it.
Three more verses please. Then on to Dactyl.
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 9 months ago
I can learn
Ok...onward to three more verses...I take it you are pleased
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 9 months ago
here it is
Taste of salt on snow white skin so soft
Heat of/passion/lost in/time long/ gone
Poison/heart so/dark unkept/breathless/soul
Etched in/stone fate/takes our/hand and/dies
wesley snow
11 years 9 months ago
The third line has problems.
Poi-son / heart so / dark un- / kept breath- / less soul
In this verse you have accented "breathless" on the second syllable. The length is correct, but "breathless" needs to be moved. The rest of the quatrain works. Your only difficulty I see is a small lack of attention to detail.
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 9 months ago
never
One of my strengths...One word isn't too awfully bad considering my love hate relationship with meter....
Ian.T
11 years 9 months ago
Carrie ---Your first line
Taste of / salt on/ na-ked / skin so / soft like / silk
I think that all you have to do on this one is move the silk??
Taste of / salt on/ na-ked / skin so / silken (This is better for me)
Taste of / salt on/ na-ked / skin so / silk like..
It's such good fun if you don't weaken, Yours Ian.T
wesley snow
11 years 9 months ago
Look into my eyes...
... Carrie loves meter... Carrie loves meter... it is poetry... it is life... Carrie loves meter... when I snap my fingers you will awaken...
Rula
11 years 9 months ago
hahaha hypnotization works!
Now Carrie sure likes meter :) :)
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 9 months ago
Looking into your eyes
could prove to be dangerous....hmmm...meter is starting to grow on me...just requires me to use more brain power...damn you for making me think.... :)
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 9 months ago
One last attempt....
Taste of salt on snow white skin so soft
Heat of passion lost in time long gone
Poison heart so dark unkept jagged soul so harsh
Etched in stone fate takes our hand and dies
Rula
11 years 9 months ago
My scansion
Heat of| passion| lost in| time long| gone (half foot needed)
Poison| heart so |dark un|kept ja|gged soul| so harsh(one foot too many)
Etched in| stone fate| takes our| hand and| dies (half foot needed)
wesley snow
11 years 9 months ago
Rula is correct.
It's only the details that are missing. There is nothing wrong with the lines. They are simply not strict in their meter. That requires only practice.
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 9 months ago
I will give this some more thought
and work on it tonight as I can, I need the right words to fit so I don't lose the whole essence of the piece...if that makes sense. I hate writing just words, I like it to make sense or have some meaning...
wesley snow
11 years 9 months ago
Of course it makes sense.
As Faulkner said, "a good poet will agonize over a single word."
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 9 months ago
I will work on this
As I can...hoping the kids are in bed early enough.....
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 9 months ago
here we go again
Taste of salt on snow white skin so soft
Heat of passion lost in time long gone away
Poison heart so dark unkept jagged soul repressed
Etched in stone fate takes our hand and dies alone