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Sep 23, 2013
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Trochaic pentameter-Ron for Bottom Line workshop
Silence deafens growls under the forest
Witness glowing screeches of red eyes
gunshot roars squeak out in banshee chorus
The sound of wolf howls crooning lullabies
Ron
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
11 years 9 months ago
Hello Ron, I've parsed your
Hello Ron, I've parsed your lines here so that you can see where do some feet go off the trochee meter.Hope it makes sense to you. Please let me know what you think.
first line
SI-lence| dea-FENS| GROW-ls |UN-der| the fo-|rest (half a foot so many)
Second line
WIT-ness| GLOW-ing| SCREECH-es| of RED |EYES ( half a foot needed)
Third line
GUN-shot|ROARS SQUEAK| out in BAN|-shee CHORUS|
Fourth Line
The SOUND| of WOLF |HOW-ls |CROON-ing| LU-lla-BIES (Started with iamb + half a foot too many)
BlueDemon77
11 years 9 months ago
Thanks Rula!
I agree with most of what you've put and have re-written and submitted a new version. The only thing that baffles me is that I've always used GROWLS as a single syllable but in your parsing, it is given two syllables.
Thanks for the help!
Ron
Rula
11 years 9 months ago
:)
It has two vowel sounds=two syllables and you can always double check a dictionary.
This's a dialct thing , I believe.
wesley snow
11 years 9 months ago
Rula is correct.
Punch the first syllable and you will hear it. I'm on my phone, so it's hard to say more right now. Really "punch" them.
BlueDemon77
11 years 9 months ago
Hi Wesley!
I tried applying the "PUNCH" as you put it. I find that I often impose emphasis through doing this. It was like you said when I was parsing the Keats, Shelley, and Shakespeare. I used to be able to do this almost without thought but this is clearly an area I need to revisit.
Thanks,
Ron
BlueDemon77
11 years 9 months ago
Strike two Trochaic pentameter
SI-lence | SCRATCH-ing | SNOW-y | BRANCH-less | FOR-est
WIT-ness | GLOW-ing | SCREECH-ing | EYES are | GLOW-ing
GUN-shot | ROARS in | DIS-tant | BAN-shee | CHOR-us
SOUNDS as | LOUD as | REAP-ers | COM-ing | GO-ing
RON
wesley snow
11 years 9 months ago
You have it!
Perfect Trochee throughout.
And even a halfway decent poem to boot (not like my silliness).
Go on to Dactyl and remember it doesn't have to be Pentameter. It is used predominately in conjunction with Trochee, but try to write a full quatrain in Dactyl Trimeter or Tetrameter.
It also doesn't have to rhyme (which would make it a "Tetrastich") (I know... too many big words).